Maid to order

I've spent the last couple of nights at Goddess's house as she wanted me to take her to hospital for a medical procedure for a health problem she's been suffering from for the last year or so. She was apprehensive beforehand but she's a very strong person (naturally) and breezed through it while others were shaking in their boots. And the news afterwards was positive, which was very encouraging. She was happy (and so of course was I) but she told me that I had been downgraded over the last few months because of my previous failings. But I am hopeful that I may be upgraded soon to the position I enjoyed a few years ago when I was her slave previously. I feel much more committed now than I ever did then, but I know I must prove myself every day and hope that Goddess will recognise that. When I move to where she lives she may finally believe me, and I'm hopeful that will happen soon.
Going through the stuff that I hope to sell I came across a couple of maid's outfits, corsets and other female clothing. These were the clothes that Goddess would often make me wear in the past. I can well remember putting on the corset, which Goddess would tighten as tight as she could, the maid's uniform, stockings and high heels and serving Goddess as her sissy maid while she followed me with her whip. If I looked ridiculous it didn't worry me, as it was what Goddess wanted and I was only too happy to do as she wanted. I hope that I can get back to that situation when, or if, I am upgraded. Encouragingly, the maid's uniform (pictured) and a couple of corsets are among the items that Goddess has said I should keep, rather than sell, so I am optimistic.

Time off for good behaviour!

Goddess has allowed me out of my chastity device for a few days (first time in several months) so I have taken the opportunity of giving it a good clean and giving myself some much-needed relief. She didn't require my services this weekend so I will bring it with me when I next see her and find out if she wants me locked up again. It feels quite odd being free after such a long time.

I have got a lot of BDSM equipment - much more than I need - so I have been photographing it with a view to selling most of the items. Goddess has chosen some items that she wants me to keep which I look forward to making use of! Among the items to be sold are dozens of whips and bondage items, high heeled shoes and boots and some big items, such as a coffin, a couple of whipping benches, a St Andrews cross, a toilet box and a suspension sack. A friend of mine has a female friend who may be interested in buying some of this. I hope so as I plan to move soon to be nearer to Goddess so I don't want to take anything that I don't need.

I am including a few photos to illustrate a few of the items that are for sale.

Rule 10

Rule 10 of Goddess's additional set of rules is 'Think before you Speak'. Unfortunately I fell foul of that today. I had bought a new camera because my previous one had gone bust. I had chosen it because it had a really good zoom and I was looking forward to using it when I go to the States next month to visit some music festivals.
I showed it to Goddess and she immediately said that she wanted it and would give me her camera in its place, which doesn't have the same specifications. Of course I should have said Yes Goddess and then worked out later how I could get a replacement for my new camera. But instead I said no and offered to buy a similar camera for her is she wanted, but I was immediately in deep trouble. Goddess has told me before that I should never say no to her, and here I was doing just that. She said that no one ever said no to her, so who was I, a mere slave, to do it?
She was right of course and I quickly realised my mistake, but by that time it was too late. She said that she was testing me and that she wouldn't really have taken the camera off me. But I failed the test. I will have to do better in future.

Dual control

Goddess is a very shapely and curvaceous lady and she instructed me to buy her half a dozen 34FF bras last week with matching panties. Apparently it's difficult to find her bra size in any of the shops near where she lives so I was worried that I might have problems. But fortunately La Senza had exactly what she wanted and at a price that allowed me to buy more than she had ordered me to get.
I've had a very pleasant weekend with Goddess. Of course there were loads of chores for me to do when I went to see her on Saturday but I am happy if she's happy, and she was. In the evening she said that I was to accompany her and one of her attractive black girlfriends to a local pub. I was wearing the remote control electric shocker as well as the CB that I wear all the time and Goddess explained its purpose to her friend as we sat in the pub. She was disbelieving at first but soon realised that she could send a jolt through my balls at the touch of a button on the control box. So there I was, sitting with two incredibly gorgeous black women, being questioned and controlled, with both of them sending electric shocks through my balls whenever they felt like it. It was quite an experience. Apparently Goddess's friend wanted to apologise today for causing me pain but Goddess told her it wasn't necessary as I was her property and had no right to complain anyway. Not that I had any complaints. It was a great evening and a great weekend.

New chastity device?

I've been wearing my chastity device (a CB6000) for about six months now, with very few (very brief) periods of freedom. Goddess insists that I wear it all the time. It gives her control 24/7. It's uncomfortable when I get an erection, or rather when I try to get one - of course the CB makes a proper erection impossible. It can also be uncomfortable when skin gets trapped, as happens frequently. But it is a constant reminder of my status - and what Goddess wants, Goddess gets.
They say a change is as good as a rest so I am thinking of asking Goddess if I can try a new type - a steel one with a closed end. Here's the description http://www.steelpleasures.co.uk/?page=shop&shop_group_id=4&item_id=43
Goddess really enjoys using the remote control electric shocker on my balls whenever she wants to attract my attention, or just punish me. This is great for me, even though it can be painful, because it's a physical manifestation of Goddess's control and it's instant. I want to show her just how much she controls me and how far I am prepared to go to be her slave. The physical side is important, as well as the mental control. Hopefully she will begin to enjoy that aspect as time goes by. All I can do is my best.

A hard life as a slave

It can be a hard life being a slave to a beautiful black Goddess. The other night I got an email from her saying she was very upset with me because I had made what I thought was an innocuous comment about her to one of her male friends. Not only that but she said I was on my last warning, that she had always been happy to get rid of men who are a source of stress and I was no different, that her ex boyfriend hated me and that I had kept information about myself from her. I was rather shocked, as I thought I was improving as a slave, but it made me realise just how much I have to do to convince her that I am serious. She is a Goddess and if she criticises me then I must do more to show her that I am truly dedicated to her. I will not gossip in future to anyone, even if innocuous, and will give her any information she wants.
I suppose the episode made me realise that I am not really making much progress, despite my best efforts, and this depressed me somewhat. I want so much to please her and return, first of all, to how we were when I was her slave a few years ago, which seems a long way away at the moment. In those days she made me drink her golden nectar, sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed, whipped me from time to time, ordered me to lick her pussy, dressed me as a maid, put me in bondage and humiliated me in front of her female friends. I would love to do all of that again, and beyond that, to go a new level, where she trusts me totally, confides in me and treats me as the cunt that I am. I will keep trying to improve and win her over.
On the positive side, Goddess allowed me to go to a football match yesterday with her cousin, which I enjoyed, and was in a good mood when we both saw her today. She has the most fantastic personality and when she is happy she lights up the place and everyone there feels happy. She is one of those rare people who can bring people and places to life. And when she is happy I am happy.

Worried about Goddess

I have been worried sick about Goddess today. She had to go to hospital for a painful medical procedure and I didn't know how she was until just now, when I heard from her briefly on Skype. I still don't really know how she is. Hopefully she will tell me tomorrow. As her slave I want to be her confidant, the person who she feels she can tell anything and the person she trusts above all others. She chose a male friend to be with her today rather than me, but who am I to complain? Just a pathetic cunt who wants to serve his Goddess. All I want is for Goddess to be well and happy and for us to enjoy our Mistress/slave relationship to the full. Hope she gets well soon. She is in my thoughts all the time.

My wonderful Goddess

I am incredibly lucky that my Goddess has the most fantastic personality, as well as being very beautiful and possessing a fabulous figure. But when she's angry she really lets fly at me either verbally or on Skype or by text. If I'm with her she zaps my balls with her remote control at full strength, which gets me rolling in agony. And she is just as forceful on Skype.
Yesterday I angered her when we were discussing something on Skype and she gave me the full force of her displeasure. Here is a selection of her comments:
You are really proving to be a really worthless fucking cunt.
Only good for one thing - pissing on.
Not to be treated in any way fucking human
YOU ARE FUCKING PATHETIC, JUST A NOSEY COCKLESS CUNT
OK NOW PISS OFF CUNT
Of course, Goddess was absolutely right in every respect and all I could say in response was Yes Goddess. She has instructed me not do anything in future without her approval, and naturally I will obey.
What a wonderful Goddess! My photo isn't of her, but it's a lovely fantasy!