Memories of the old days

It's a fantastic honour being Goddess's slave and I try hard to obey all her orders as quickly as possible. If I get anything wrong or don't act quickly enough she reminds me that I am a pathetic cunt but I try my best. She is worried at the moment about her health and that means I am worried too, because I want her to be happy and well. I saw her this weekend but she didn't want me to stay, so I went down on Saturday to do my chores, and again on Sunday to bring her an item of furniture she wanted.
It's always a pleasure to see her and serve her because she truly is a goddess and absolutely beautiful, but I think back fondly to when I served her a few years ago. In those days I would spend the whole weekend at her house. I would sleep on the floor, sometimes in a straight jacket or a hood. She would sometimes make me lie down on the ground while she pissed on me, and she made me drink all her golden nectar from morning to night. Sometimes she would get me to dress as a maid while I cooked or cleaned. At other times she would whip me while I did my chores. Ah! - happy days!
I remember on one occasion we had been out for the evening and travelled back by train to her local station. For some reason I had said something that she didn't like. When we got to the station car park she ordered me to lie on the ground and pissed all over me. Then she kicked me as hard as she could in the body, got in her car and drove off. I was lying there, soaked to the skin, bruised and totally humiliated. But it only made me worship her even more. I guess being a slave is all about accepting humiliation and relishing it in the knowledge that it is what Goddess wants. Now that I have accepted my true position - as a pathetic cunt and a worthless piece of shit - I know it will be wonderful if and when Goddess decides to return to her former ways. That pee tasted so delicious I can't wait!

Goddess's new extra rules

Goddess says that I should aim to update the blog daily. It may get rather boring and repetitive but I will try. Here are some of Goddess's new extra rules that she has given me.
1.. When we are out and I am talking to a man keep away at a discreet distance, not loitering in an obvious way
2. Stop being sarcastic to me at any time
3. Stop taking the piss out of me - that is my job
4. I will take the piss out of you without receiving a comeback from you
5. No drinking alcohol until all your chores are done and you need to ask for permission to do so.
6. All my chores should be done before you watch TV especially football
7. When my friends and family are here you will still do your chores. They are here for me not to see you or play with you.
8. If I give you instructions and you are not sure ask me and don’t do what you think I want ... DO WHAT I WANT.
9. Be respectful to me at all times
10. Think before you speak
11. You are there to be seen not heard. If I want to talk to you I will talk to you and if I don’t want to it is my choice.
12. You should never ask me about other men. If I want to talk about them I will out of my own choice.
13 If I choose not to see you and change my plans don’t question me ever......
14. If you are unsure what chores need doing ASK ME.
15 If I sent you a list of chores print them out and tick them as soon as you have done them

Verbal abuse

I feel very honoured to be the slave of my beautiful black Goddess. She abuses me, both physically and verbally, and I would not change a thing. Now that she has a remote control electric shocker she can zap my balls whenever she chooses. And maybe physical abuse will develop in other ways as times go by.

When it comes to verbal abuse Goddess really is in a class of her own - and as a pathetic slave who lives only for her it's exciting and motivating. It was only when she started to call me a cunt at the beginning of this year that I really realised my true role. I now think of myself as a cunt and this has helped me to submit totally to her. When I text or email her I sign my name as cunt, because that's what I am.

When I was with Goddess a few years ago she would sometimes send me texts that excited me beyond words. So much so that at the time (October 13th, 2004) I made a note of her texts.

One read: " You're a dirty pathetic cunt slut who is lucky to serve a superior Mistress like me who loves to humiliate, feminise and use you as a toilet."

Another read: "I want you as my cockless cunt. I am happy you are my pathetic bitch that deserves nothing more than to be spat on, pissed on, used and abused by me for always."

I was so excited that day I couldn't concentrate on work at all. And I look forward to more in the future! Here's a picture of Goddess whipping me a few years ago.

Email to Goddess

This is an email that I wrote to Goddess a couple of months ago. Goddess has instructed me to put it on the blog. Since I wrote this she has become a lot more strict with me and says that she will shortly be giving me a new set of rules. But life is exciting and rewarding and I have spent two holidays in the sun serving her as her slave.
Dear Goddess
I am getting used to wearing my CB again after a few years of freedom, and I must admit it feels good to be owned by you. I am aware of it all the time and it’s a reminder of my position. I don’t suppose I will ever completely live up to your expectations as a slave, but I will try – I promise you that. I’m beginning to get back into the domestic routine of looking after your room, doing housework etc. It’s not work that comes to me naturally as I’m rather a lazy bitch but I will do my best, because I want to please you.
Being with you is always a privilege, nearly always fun and often exciting, and I hope that by pleasing you the excitement will increase. I will support you as you regain your health and you know I will always be in your corner in your battles with Arthur. If I’m tactless sometimes please forgive me, because I mean no harm. And please don’t think I’m being negative every time I make a comment about something. I’m actually a very positive person – if I wasn’t I probably wouldn’t look the way I do. But maybe I’m too much of a realist on occasions.
I’m looking forward to the holiday very much. It’s many years since I spent time just relaxing. Usually I’m dashing off looking at sites or listening to music. But being with you and the boys in the sunshine will be something different and at that time of the year it couldn’t be better.
As time goes by I hope that the physical side of our relationship will develop. By that I don’t necessarily mean sex, but things like corporal punishment, humiliation, bondage, viagra and cross dressing. I really love rubber and I hope that you will lock me in my rubber bondage suit and administer me some drugs so that I completely relax. When you come to my place I would love to show you the equipment that I’ve got. It might inspire your enthusiasm! Or I can bring things with me when I visit you – some of them anyway. Maybe we could go to some fetish clubs occasionally as well.
I know that I am a pathetic slut, a cockless cunt and unworthy of being with a Goddess such as yourself. And at my age I’m a lucky bastard to even be in with a chance. But believe me I worship you and want to make you happy. I am sure that you will overcome all obstacles in your way and I want to be by your side as you do so. It’s not ideal living so far away from you, but hopefully that will change in the next year or so. In the meantime you have my love and my subservience as your slave. I look forward to our future with excitement.
Yours submissively,
Orange XXX

A shocking experience

Goddess used the new remote shocker on me over the weekend for the first time. Whenever she wanted to attract my attention, or make me shut up, she used her remote control and sent an electric shock through my balls. As she had guests with her I couldn't say anything but she could see me suddenly jump or gasp when the pain hit me. After some drinks in a local pub, where she shocked me several times, I had to drive her and her cousin home and she started using the shocker at its highest level. It's not easy driving when your balls are being blasted by shocks but I managed somehow. And then as her cousin and I were preparing to leave she inflicted a whole series of high level shocks on me which had me jumping up and down and gasping for breath, but her cousin didn't seem to notice so I guess I passed the test.

Ever since Goddess said that she would spend a night really putting me through my paces, with punishments, rubber bondage and pee drinking, I have been fantasising like mad. But I have to be patient. We are going away to the sun next week and I will be serving Goddess in any way she wishes to make sure she really enjoys the break. If that includes any of the above I will be in heaven, but my objective is to make sure that Goddess is happy.

Here is a picture of me being whipped at a fetish club a few years back - not by Goddess on this occasion, but by another black dominatrix who put me through my paces while Goddess looked on with amusement.

Remote control

Goddess now has a new way of controlling me when I am with her. It's a remote control electric shocker which allows her to deliver a shock to my balls whenever she wants my attention, or just wants to torture me. It's actually designed for small dogs, but it can be wrapped around my balls (see photo). Goddess holds the remote, which allows her to give me four grades of shock, ranging from a minor tingle up to a fierce shuddering pain which really hurts. She can use it when I am in another room, in the garden, or if I am lying on the floor at night. She had one of these once before but it stopped working so I ordered a new one and I'm looking forward to being on the receiving end.

Goddess has also instructed me to book a hotel room in a few weeks time so that she can whip me, make me drink her golden nectar (which I love), lock me in my rubber suit for the night, suitably sedated, and generally deal with me as she thinks fit. She will sleep in a luxurious queen size bed while I, naturally, will sleep on the floor. She plans to make this a monthly event, or maybe even more frequent, possibly co-ordinating it with a visit to a fetish club with me dressed as a maid. I can't wait!

Life has been hectic lately as Goddess has been getting me to help build up her business, which sometimes interferes with my work. I know which comes first - Goddess! She also gets me to order her shopping online, plus anything else that she wants. If I get anything wrong, which sadly is often as she is a stickler for detail, she calls me a cunt, which is the name I now think of as mine. But I couldn't wish for a better or more beautiful Goddess and I know how lucky I am.

Goddess's rules

Goddess gave me a set of rules that she instructed me to study and follow. Here they are:
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind under any circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wants him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviours she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behaviour.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defences, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
Easy really - as long as I never forget that I am a cunt in my Goddess's eyes and must always obey. Here's a photo from some time back. I dream of being in that position again.