Goddess is unhappy with me because I still think for myself on occasions. At the weekend I put on my 'Orange for Goddess' housecoat without asking permission first. And tonight, while I was doing marketing emails for her business, I sent one to a business that she didn't have on her list. I was only trying to help, but the answer of course is that I must stop thinking for her and just do what I am told, without argument. I am desperate for her to say that I can be her live-in slave, but each time I make a mistake I go back one space, like a game of Ludo. I leave work in two days time and (flights allowing) hope to go to the US on holiday - with Goddess's blessing. When I get back I will be her property and I will move to her area.
My dream is that she will let me be her live-in slave. I know it will not be easy serving her 24/7 but I am determined, and the reward, hopefully, is that she will let me sleep at the foot at her bed, drink her pee, be whipped regularly, serve her orally, be humiliated and degraded and locked up for the night in my rubber bondage suit. It may be just a fantasy, but I hope that I have proved my devotion and showed her that I am truly sorry for the comments I made last year which she still berates me for. I know this is my one and only chance to achieve slavery with the most fantastic and beautiful black Goddess that I could ever meet and I just hope that it works out. It won't be for lack of trying on my part.
Meanwhile I am still trying to sell most of the fetish gear that I have, while keeping the bits that Goddess is interested in. When I move, I want to take as little stuff as possible, so I hope the would-be buyer makes a decent offer.
Monday 19 April 2010
Sunday 11 April 2010
Counting the days
I am now counting the days until I give up work and will be free to serve Goddess full time, if she wants it. I'm taking a holiday in the US but when I get back I will be focusing all my efforts on moving closer to Goddess. My dream is that she will allow me to be her live in slave. But at the moment she doesn't seem keen, so I will look for a place near where she lives. She is still mad at me because about six months ago I said I wanted to live near her but not with her. I deeply regret saying that now. I said a lot of things back then that I regret. My whole approach has changed so much since then. At the beginning of the year, after our holiday in the Caribbean, I suddenly realised for the first time that in order to serve Goddess to her satisfaction I had to accept that I am just a cunt and that I must obey her at all times.
I still speak out of turn sometimes (Rule 10 - think before you speak) - but I think I have improved a lot. I am happy now just to accept whatever Goddess says without argument or comment, because I realise that she is right. I can sit quietly without the need to make conversation if it's clear that this is what she wants, and I try to make sure my chores are done without her having to tell me. It can still be challenging being a slave but I know that this is what I want, so will do whatever it takes. I know it will be worthwhile in the end.
I still speak out of turn sometimes (Rule 10 - think before you speak) - but I think I have improved a lot. I am happy now just to accept whatever Goddess says without argument or comment, because I realise that she is right. I can sit quietly without the need to make conversation if it's clear that this is what she wants, and I try to make sure my chores are done without her having to tell me. It can still be challenging being a slave but I know that this is what I want, so will do whatever it takes. I know it will be worthwhile in the end.
Thursday 8 April 2010
Changes ahead
It's only a couple of weeks until I give up full time work. Then I'm on holiday for a couple of weeks and after that I will be dedicated full time to Goddess. I'm already spending more time at work doing stuff for her than I do for the company that pays me - she's a very demanding Goddess - but I can't wait to serve her 24/7. My priority will be to move near her so that I'm on hand whenever I'm needed, but I'm hoping that she will want to move to a bigger house so that I can be her live-in slave. I know it will be tough at times, but she's such a fantastic person - beautiful, witty, fun to be with most of the time, intelligent and incredibly dominant, that I can't imagine anything better, particularly now that I will have time to attend to her needs.
I can't help but fantasise about how life will be, I know that all decisions are in her hands, but I dream of being allowed to sleep at the foot of her bed, drinking her golden nectar, being locked in my rubber bondage suit overnight, serving her as her maid, giving her oral pleasure, being whipped strongly and firmly on a regular basis, swallowing any pills or drugs she chooses to give me, being zapped with her remote control whenever she needs me and generally being totally dominated and humiliated by her.
I know that most of the time I will be doing my household chores, acting as her PA in support of her business. running errands for her, chauffering her around and generally being bossed around. But that's fine, because I have never before gained so much satisfaction from doing things for someone else. She owns me. I must always sit on the floor in her presence, sleep on the floor, kneel when I hand her a drink, call her Goddess at all times and obey her instructions instantly without question. I relish the fact that she has total control over me, and I can't wait for this to the full time permanent situation.
In a couple of months my life will have changed greatly. And I can't wait.
I can't help but fantasise about how life will be, I know that all decisions are in her hands, but I dream of being allowed to sleep at the foot of her bed, drinking her golden nectar, being locked in my rubber bondage suit overnight, serving her as her maid, giving her oral pleasure, being whipped strongly and firmly on a regular basis, swallowing any pills or drugs she chooses to give me, being zapped with her remote control whenever she needs me and generally being totally dominated and humiliated by her.
I know that most of the time I will be doing my household chores, acting as her PA in support of her business. running errands for her, chauffering her around and generally being bossed around. But that's fine, because I have never before gained so much satisfaction from doing things for someone else. She owns me. I must always sit on the floor in her presence, sleep on the floor, kneel when I hand her a drink, call her Goddess at all times and obey her instructions instantly without question. I relish the fact that she has total control over me, and I can't wait for this to the full time permanent situation.
In a couple of months my life will have changed greatly. And I can't wait.
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