Poor performance as a slave

Goddess has asked that I write an entry for the blog saying how I have fared as a slave so far. The answer is not very well. Goddess is not happy with me in so many ways that I have lost count. I would love to be able to say that I have been a success as a slave, but it wouldn't be true. Yes, I have tried my best. I have moved close to where She lives. I try and do everything She says. But it's not an easy job and I have failed so far because I keep messing up or forgetting things.
The other day while I was at her house alone her neighbour knocked to say he could smell gas. It turned out that there was a leak outside his house, but instead of getting the gas people in to find out what was causing the smell I left it to him and went away. Goddess was extremely angry with me for that because she felt her children might have been in danger. Now it seems the strong wind overnight blew open the door of the fridge she has in an outside cupboard - which I thought I had locked with a padlock but which I obviously didn't - and blew important things out of the fridge and onto the road outside. I think this may be the last straw for Goddess so far as I'm concerned and I can hardly blame her.
Goddess is very demanding and I know that I have failed to meet her high standards. I have made mistakes - too many I know. She is often angry with me - usually with justification. The life I fantasised about has not been realised. She is unhappy with me much of the time and as a result I am sometimes unhappy myself knowing I have failed. I no longer wear the CB that she previously wanted me to wear and any thoughts of BDSM, cross dressing or bondage are distant memories.
Still, I have made my choice and I want to please Goddess so I will continue to do my best, in the hope that at some point she will be happy with me as her slave. She is a wonderful person and deserves better than a pathetic cunt slave like me.

Release from my CB

It's been a while since I last updated my Slave to Goddess blog. Goddess released me from my chastity device last week after two months and I've had time for any soreness to go away. I am ready to put it back on whenever Goddess wants. I miss it in a strange way.
I am still living in my country cottage and enjoying life as Goddess's slave. I see Goddess every day and do her chores and secretarial work. She said the other day that when she has a big house she will keep me chained up in the loft wearing a hood and only let me out when she feels like it. It's an exciting thought. But in the meantime I am focussing on trying to be a better slave and making sure she is happy with me. I haven't served as her maid lately but am very happy to do so whenever she wants. For that matter I would be happy to drink her golden nectar or be pissed on, not to mention being whipped and put into bondage. Of course it is Goddess who will decide when or if anything happens. Meanwhile I have my rubber suit, which I put on at home sometimes at night.I enjoy the feeling of total enclosure, but I would love to be padlocked into it for the night or the whole day.
I can but dream!

Kilted up in public

Goddess carried out her promise today that I should wear the kilt I bought a few weeks ago in public. And it couldn't have been much more public. She instructed me to accompany her to London where she was having lunch with some of her girlfriends at an up market restaurant. While there I had to go to Shepherds Bush Market to buy some fruit and some make up for black women. And then I drove to Oxford Street to look for a dress she wanted. I couldn't find the exact one so had to walk up and down Oxford Street asking in various clothes shops for the correct dress.
I suppose I got quite a few strange looks but maybe they thought I'm Scottish (which I'm not). Occasionally I caught sight of myself walking along in my skirt in shop windows and realised that I did stand out somewhat. But it didn't bother me as much as I feared and I would happily do it again. Later I picked Goddess up after her lunch and she insisted that I get out of the car, which gave her girlfriends a chance to look me up and down. They seemed a bit surprised, but knowing Goddess as they do, they know that anything is possible where she is concerned. I drove her back home and we went to her local, me still in my kilt, and later she instructed me to do her food shopping in her local supermarket. By the end, I had almost forgotten how I was dressed. Goddess reminded me that I should be wearing my remote control electric shock strap around my genitals, but I do that anyway whenever I am with her.
Whether the kilt will become a regular item for me I don't know, but if Goddess wants it I will of course wear it. But then, if she told me to wear a miniskirt, stockings and high heels I would do so, as I will do anything Goddess wants.

Privileged position

As slave to Goddess I am privileged to spend more time with her than anyone apart from her children. She lights up my life and I would do anything for her. I know I am not worthy to lick the soles of her gorgeous high heel shoes. She is incredibly beautiful, brilliantly intelligent and fiercely dominant in everything she does, as well as having the most amazingly captivating and charming personality. But she honours me by allowing me to spend time in her company. And every moment I spend with her is something to treasure. I enjoy the times that she invites me to eat with her or have a drink with her, because every invitation is a treasured moment.
I am a self confessed masochist and I dream of being whipped whenever I fall short of Goddess’s high standards. No doubt the pain would deter me from falling short of her standards in the future. I love my rubber suit and I dream of being sedated and locked in my rubber suit for a day or a night. The feeling of the close fitting rubber is wonderfully relaxing and the feeling of isolation and impotence while I am in the suit is exciting. I love to drink her golden nectar, which really is delicious. I dream of a time when Goddess channels all her fluids through me.
I wear my CB 600 at all times so Goddess knows she has me under her control. Goddess insists on this. Whenever I am with her I wear the remote electric shock collar around my balls. Sometimes she uses the control to attract my attention or punish me for some indiscretion.
I love the times when Goddess orders me to dress in my maid’s uniform and serve her when she visits my house. She seems to enjoy me being a sissy maid and I could never get too much of it. On one occasion she ordered me to wear my tight fitting corset overnight and I would happily do this more often – including during the day. She recently got me to buy a kilt so that I could go out dressed in semi-female clothing but she hasn’t got me to do so as yet. Actually, I would be happy to dress as a fully made up female in public if Goddess wished it. But then, to be honest, I would do anything she wished.
The reality is that Goddess is the most fantastic Mistress I could ever hope to meet. I know I am a pathetic cunt and can never come close to reaching her high standards. I will no doubt spend my life knowing that I am a failure in her eyes. But I will never stop trying to please her, making her life easier and making her happy. She is everything to me and I worship her.

A week of freedom

Last week I spent the week on holiday with Cornwall with Goddess, another colour, Burgundy, and Goddess's two children. She was kind to me and let me take off my chastity device while we were away and we had a good time, despite a lot of rain and a cold wind blowing off the sea. While we were away Goddess celebrated her birthday and we all went for a very pleasant meal. It was a relaxed week and everyone enjoyed the break.
Now we're back so it's back to normal. I have my CB on again full time and whenever I am with Goddess I always wear the remote electric shock strap around my balls in case she wants to attract my attention or punish me. I am getting back into the groove of helping her with her business and look forward to doing my chores at her house again. I would love to serve as Goddess's maid soon as I love the feeling it gives (especially the tight corset) but of course it's for her to decide if and when I do. I am looking forward to being a good slave for her and having lots of fun in the future.
Whatever happens I will continue to do my best to please Goddess and make her happy. Sometimes I fail, but her happiness is my happiness so I have a big incentive to succeed.

Dressed to serve

I am writing this while dressed as Goddess's maid and this time I'm including a photo. Goddess ordered me to wear my full maid's outfit when she visited for lunch. This includes a corset which I have tightened as much as possible, and when she left Goddess told me that I must keep it on for the rest of the day and overnight. She wanted me to update the blog while I'm still in my maid outfit which I am happy to do. Anything for Goddess!
On Saturday I am going away with her and her children, plus another of her male friends. He isn't a full time slave or kept in chasity like me, but he might as well be. He does whatever Goddess tells him and he has the name of a colour, just as do I (I'm Orange, he's Burgundy - Goddess always gives her slaves colours). I don't think I will get the chance to serve Goddess as her maid, but I'm sure I will be kept busy. It should be a pleasant break.
When we get back Goddess is hoping to move to a new house which will allow her more privacy. I'm excited at the prospect and I'm hoping that I can be of service to Goddess at her new home in whatever ways she wishes

Corset fetish

Goddess had me serving as her maid again today. I am getting used to it (and enjoy it very much) and I think I look quite good dressed in my maid's outfit. I served her champers and lunch and then she had to go back to work, but not before she gave me some of her golden nectar to drink. A very pleasant diversion in the middle of the day.
The other day I mentioned to her that I'd had bad indigestion at night and she asked jokingly if it was because I was wearing a corset. It wasn't but I have to admit that the idea of being ordered to wear a tight corset overnight (or any other time) appealed to me. I mentioned it in an email I sent her last night and she told me to wear one for the night. I did as I was told (as always) and the tight fit was quite a turn on. I could definitely get used to it and I hope that Goddess will make this a regular occurrence. The odd thing is that I wouldn't think of wearing it unless I was instructed to do so.
Goddess hasn't stayed at my new house since I moved in three months ago, the main reason being that she has children and doesn't want to leave them alone. She's suggested that the kids might enjoy sleeping in a tent in the garden while she stays at my place. I hope it happens. It would be so good to spend a night with her, even if I was in bondage - or should I say especially if I was in bondage! She hasn't said yet if she wants to rent a dungeon for a few hours, but I'm also hoping she will. I enjoy being with her so much and, as I may have mentioned, I worship her.
Goddess may disagree, but I feel that I am really reaching a state of total submission to her. I'm not just obeying her but trying to think ahead about what she needs or may want. I continue to look forward to a happy future - and I am enjoying a happy now!

A tough life, but I am devoted to Goddess

After serving as Goddess's maid a couple of weeks ago she instructed me to dress in my maid's outfit again later in the week. I dressed carefully (I thought I looked pretty good actually!) and prepared everything for her. I served some champagne and food and looked forward to an exciting evening. But unfortunately she was upset with me over something I had failed to do earlier and left after an hour or so. The week I had been looking forward to turned out to be a disappointment and Goddess said I had ruined it for her too. I was looking forward to being 'overdosed' on her golden nectar as she had threatened, but didn't get a drop, and when I brought my rubber bondage suit to her house on her instruction one day she changed her mind later.
Being a slave can be tough. Goddess is a fantastic person and I wouldn't want to change my situation. I love being with her and doing everything I can to follow her instructions to the letter. But she is very demanding and I know that any slight deviation from what she expects will be punished. Sadly, the punishment doesn't take the form of a whipping, but a telling off. I am usually back to square one again and have to try and rebuild her belief in my abilities as a faithful slave.
This week she suggested that she might be interested in hiring a dungeon locally and I phoned the lady who runs it to get information for her. The dungeon has a bondage bed, whipping bench etc and sounds great, and I am hoping that Goddess will want to take it forward. Whatever happens I am devoted to her. Her cousin visited her at the weekend and she recognised my devotion, as Goddess - and her cousin - sent electric shocks through my balls via the remote control dog training collar. Now I have to convince Goddess that I'm not a complete waste of time. I'm not doing very well at the moment, but I will keep trying. Happy days!

Doing what Goddess wants

On Monday Goddess told me to be ready and waiting for her in her house dressed in my maid's uniform. I was excited and also nervous, as Goddess is very demanding. I went to her house and put on my stockings, corset, bra, high heel shoes, wig and the maid's outfit and awaited her arrival. I made sure her champagne was chilled and poured her a glass as soon as she arrived. She quickly put me to work, clearing out and tidying a cupboard. She seemed pleased with my performance, although she surprised me somewhat when she said she only wanted me to dress as a maid because she thought I like to cross dress. She's right, I do enjoy it, but mainly because Goddess wants it. I enjoy the feeling of a tight corset and stockings and the humiliation of doing Goddess's work dressed as a French maid. It's vaguely ridiculous and humiliating, but as long as Goddess wants it that is fine by me, because basically all I want to do is please Goddess. I wrote a fantasy recently in which Goddess ordered me to wear female clothing under my normal clothing all the time. I can't imagine doing that off my own bat, but if Goddess ordered it I would do it. That is what female domination is about I think: getting the slave to do things that he would never do normally. I bought a kilt on her instructions recently because she said she wanted me to shop for her wearing a skirt. But I would never dream of wearing it unless instructed to by Goddess.
One thing I do love, and which I might well do occasionally even if not instructed, is wear my rubber suit. It's a nice feeling, but for me the greatest thrill - mixed with a degree of trepidation - would be to be forced to wear it by Goddess, sedated so that I relax, overnight or during the day while she is at work. It is like being back in the womb - enclosed, isolated, sweaty and cut off from the world. The exciting feeling of enclosure would be overtaken in time by boredom and I know I would be listening impatiently for Goddess's return, but it's this feeling of helplessness and total lack of empowerment that appeals to me. I also fantasise about being tied to the whipping bench and whipped by Goddess. This is not particularly pleasurable - for a coward like me at any rate - but it's all about opening myself up to my Goddess and allowing her to do whatever she wishes.
I try hard to please Goddess, but unfortunately I sometimes say something that upsets her and suffer the consequences, which was the case this week. It was a week that I dreamed would be a breakthrough in our relationship. I always hope for the best and will continue to do everything I can to please Goddess, because she is a very special Goddess.

Maid service

I spent today serving as Goddess's maid, dressed in full maid's outfit complete with corset, bra, stockings and, of course, the traditional French maid frilly uniform. Goddess kept me busy cleaning out her freezer and doing various other tasks around the house. I was honoured to be allowed to serve her in this way. Naturally I had my CB on as usual and also the remote control shocker around my genitals (although she didn't use it), but she is such a dominant and beautiful Mistress that I will willingly do anything she wishes of me. She says she would like me to dress in female clothing when I shop for her but doesn't feel that I would be convincing as a female (although I'm more than willing to try!), so has instructed me to order a kilt, which I have done and which should arrive in the next few days. It's a black one which doesn't look overly Scottish, but which is definitely a skirt. I'm not sure how I will feel when I wear it outside, but if it pleases Goddess I will do so.
Next week I am looking forward to her staying at my house and I have no doubt that she will be very demanding. She has already said that I will 'overdose' on her golden nectar, and I hope to serve as her maid again. I am also hopeful that she will make full use of the various pieces of equipment that I have, including a whipping bench, a 'coffin' and a rubber suit complete with breathing tube. She tells me that it will be a hard week for me. I can't wait!

Lilac whine

It's always nice to know that some people read my blog and to get comments from time to time.
Goddess instructed me to report that one of her former slaves, whom she gave the colour Lilac, is a regular reader. She met him recently and apparently he looks much the same, although a little greyer, and he has updated his old car at last.
When he left service Goddess was unimpressed when Lilac presented her with a bill for all the things he had paid for when they had been together, even breaking it down to petrol for his car and drinks at the pub. When they met and she told him that her business was doing well he asked if that meant she would pay his 'bill'. She replied that if she did she would present him with a bill for the time he spent in her presence, which would easily exceed any monetary amount he might come up with.

My perfect Goddess

Goddess really is the most perfect Mistress I could ever hope to meet. When I do something right she praises me and I feel incredibly happy, but when I do something that she doesn't like, which is all too often, she makes me feel like the cockless cunt that I undoubtedly am. I have experienced both of these extremes in the last couple of days but today she was pleased with me and gave me a glass of her golden nectar to drink, so I am in ecstasy.
She says that at the end of next month she will stay at my place for a week and I will overdose on her piss. I cannot wait. It tastes fantastic and I will feel great knowing I am recycling every drop she produces. I have been watching some of the extreme caning and whipping videos that have been appearing on Informed Consent recently and I wonder if she will whip me while I am strapped to my whipping bench. I'm not sure how I would take the extreme punishments, but I think that perhaps a weekly whipping would keep me in order. I am also hoping that Goddess will make me wear my rubber suit with breathing tube and lock me in the coffin shaped box for long periods, preferably while I am sedated so that I relax totally. It will no doubt be a sweaty and humiliating experience, but the feel of the rubber and the sense of complete helpnessness while under the control of my Goddess is something I really crave. I fantasise about Goddess using her remote control to send a shock through my balls as I lie there helpless, and occasionally unzipping the hood to let me drink her golden pee. All the while I am just a slave, unable to move or see.
Goddess will no doubt keep me busy over the next few weeks, helping her with her business, doing my chores and running errands. But she is the most beautiful, voluptuous black Goddess that anyone could imagine and I will do anything for her. If it wasn't for my chastity device I would probably have a wank every night. But the CB prevents that, so all I can do is admire her beauty, obey her orders and feel my pathetic prick straining against the CB. I am a happy slave to Goddess!

In the country

It's now over two weeks since I moved to my new cottage in the country so I now serve Goddess on a daily basis. It's been a busy two weeks and Goddess has certainly put me through my paces, but it's great and I love it. I am only 15 minutes away from her house so I have been driving backwards and forwards to do chores for her, help her with her business and generally be available. She is a hard taskmaster and she has jokingly put a 'Retired and loving it' sticker on my car. I get very little time to laze around. But it is a privilege to be able to serve her every day and I look forward to seeing her whenever I am commanded to attend.
She has only visited my new home once but I am hoping that her visits will become more frequent in the future. I have quite a bit of BDSM equipment, including a coffin, whipping bench, rubber suit, whips, corset and handcuffs, as well as several maid's outfits, and I am hopeful that Goddess will wish to make full use of them in the future. She now allows me to drink her golden nectar on occasions, for which I am grateful, and I dream of 'recycling' every day. Most of the time I wear a chastity device and also the remote electric shocker when I am with her, and I enjoy the feeling of submission this gives.
I continue to disappoint Goddess however by not reaching her high standards sometimes so I know I must continue to improve. I love and worship her whereas I realise I am just a cockless cunt so far as she is concerned, but hopefully if I please her she may allow me to sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed sometimes and maybe even let me please her orally at some point in the future. I can only fantasise and do my best. She really is a wonderful and beautiful Goddess and I can't imagine a time in the future when I wasn't her slave.

LIFE CHANGE

My life changes totally tomorrow when I make my long awaited move to live near my Goddess. She has doubted that this would ever happen, but it has been what I've wanted for a long time. I know that life will be tough, as Goddess is very demanding and any deviation from perfection is instantly under scrutiny. And I know I am far from perfect. But she is a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, black Goddess and I will do my best. I told her the other day that I felt that I am now in a state of total submission. I feel that to be true, and although I know she will be never be satisfied I won't complain.
We went for a delicious meal yesterday to celebrate my move. She looked absolutely gorgeous as ever and I believe Goddess is as excited about me moving as I am. She said today that she looked forward to sipping her champagne at my new house, with me recycling it later in the day. And she told me to bring my 'coffin' so that she can leave me locked inside in my rubber bondage suit while she's away.
I can't wait to move and I will do my best to do everything that Goddess wants. She wants me to get a picnic hamper because, as she said, "It fits two bottles and is easy for an ageing slave to carry following his bitchy young goddess." I can't wait for the chance and will follow her anywhere she wishes.
On Goddess's orders I am now wearing the Houdini chastity device, which is a vicious metal contraption which really doesn't allow any chance of escape. The photo illustrates it.

Counting the days

am counting the days until I move to my new place near where Goddess lives. I am so much looking forward to being able to serve her whenever she wants and I hope that my move will help me progress to new levels of total obedience and submissiveness on my part, and greater confidence and belief in me on hers.She instructed me to bring my maid's uniform when I visited her yesterday and when I arrived I quickly put on my corset, bra, stockings, wig and, of course, my maid's outfit. I spent a busy morning cleaning her carpets and by the end of it I was dripping with sweat. But I was very happy to get back to serving as her maid and she seemed pleased with me as well. She said she would allow me to sleep at the foot of her bed, as I used to do when I was her slave before. But I made a mistake later by not giving her a matching knife and fork when I served her a salad, so I was told that I must sleep downstairs. I was upset, but I know that I must accept whatever Goddess tells me. I just have to try even harder to remember these small things and show her how serious I am. I think that even now she doubts me when I say that I am moving, but I've paid the deposit and the first month's rent, booked the removal and am busy packing.

When I move I hope and pray that Goddess starts to believe in me.So I live in hope, knowing that any small mistake will lead to repercussions, but happily accepting my fate, because I worship my Goddess and want only to please her.

Here's a photo of Goddess whipping me while I'm a straight jacket a few years ago.

Finalising my move

Goddess has still not forgiven me for my behaviour when I came back from holiday but at least I have seen her a couple of times and done quite a few jobs and chores for her, which she has appreciated I think, and she still wants me as her slave, which is all I really want in life. I am getting close to finalising my move to live near her so that I can serve her on daily basis, or 24/7 if that is what she wants. Everything is in her hands and I can only hope that I do well enough for her to want to progress towards that.
She gave me some encouragement recently when she told me that one day, after I move in to my new house, she will demand that I dress as a maid and cook and serve her and a female friend. Later she asked me to write a story imagining the day. I certainly fantasised about all the things that I would really like Goddess to do to me, making sure that her wishes and demands were at the centre of everything, and I was flattered, and encouraged, when she said she loved it, and it gave me some hope for the future. If she wants, I will put it on the blog. All I really want is to be owned by her, humiliated by her, whipped, put into rubber bondage and become her plaything and cunt/slave full time. Maybe in time, if I do my best, this will happen on a daily basis.
At long last my metal chastity device has arrived. I originally ordered a closed cap version but the company that was supposed to supply it failed to do so (I won't name them but they are quite well known and did not come up to scratch), so in the end I ordered a Houdini from another company. I am not wearing it yet as Goddess has not instructed me to do so, but it looks like it will live up to its name, as being completely escape proof. I am now wearing a ring with the word SLAVE inscribed on it, and Goddess has ordered me to get one for her with the word GODDESS on it, which should arrive soon.
Overall, life as a cunt/slave to my Goddess continues to be a challenge, but I will do my best to obey her, remember not to speak or act before thinking and always bear her needs and sensitivities in mind. And if I succeed I know we will both be very happy.

Female Rules

Goddess has instructed me to reproduce the Female Rules.
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind under any circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wants him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviours she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behaviour.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defences, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.

In the shit

It's been a while since my last entry. Goddess allowed me to go on holiday to the States where I went to several music festivals. I missed Goddess while I was away and was looking forward to seeing her. She told me to come down on Wednesday and do her shopping while she was at work. I went back to her place, but she said she had another meeting to go to and didn't appear. In my desperation, I suppose, to see her I eventually sent her some texts which she took exception to - more than that she was fuming, and still is. It was very stupid of me, especially as the subject of the texts was something that she felt very strongly about, is very sensitive about and which is her Achilles heel. I even tried to phone her, instead of sitting quietly waiting for instructions, and afterwards I made excuses rather than being full of remorse for my behaviour. She was rightly upset and I know that I was a complete cunt for sending the texts and making the calls. I was an idiot to behave in such an appalling way to satisfy my own needs. I forgot my position is one of a pathetic cunt/slave who is unfit to lick the soles of her shoes and I should have been much more aware of Goddess's sensitivities. She is the only thing that matters in my life and I should have only been thinking about her, not about me. I forgot the cardinal rule which is to THINK BEFORE I SPEAK OR ACT. The outcome is that I haven't seen her since I got back and I don't know when I will.
She has forbidden me to text, phone, email or Skype her. She says that in future she will treat me worse than the worthless cunt I am. She will not be seen out with me until she decides otherwise. I will drop her off, go home and then pick her up when she is ready. She is truly upset by the texts and I know it will take some time until she forgives me. I had such hopes of moving forward to a new, better situation with Goddess, but now those hopes are in ruins. I can do nothing other than prostrate myself to her, obey totally and keep quiet. She wants me to be more submissive, more sensitive to her emotional needs, totally obedient and accept any humiliation she chooses to deliver. I have no choice but to assent. Meanwhile I am looking for somewhere to live near her so that I am close at hand whenever she needs me. But at the moment she won't speak to me (apart from via Skype) or see me.

No more thinking for myself

Goddess is unhappy with me because I still think for myself on occasions. At the weekend I put on my 'Orange for Goddess' housecoat without asking permission first. And tonight, while I was doing marketing emails for her business, I sent one to a business that she didn't have on her list. I was only trying to help, but the answer of course is that I must stop thinking for her and just do what I am told, without argument. I am desperate for her to say that I can be her live-in slave, but each time I make a mistake I go back one space, like a game of Ludo. I leave work in two days time and (flights allowing) hope to go to the US on holiday - with Goddess's blessing. When I get back I will be her property and I will move to her area.
My dream is that she will let me be her live-in slave. I know it will not be easy serving her 24/7 but I am determined, and the reward, hopefully, is that she will let me sleep at the foot at her bed, drink her pee, be whipped regularly, serve her orally, be humiliated and degraded and locked up for the night in my rubber bondage suit. It may be just a fantasy, but I hope that I have proved my devotion and showed her that I am truly sorry for the comments I made last year which she still berates me for. I know this is my one and only chance to achieve slavery with the most fantastic and beautiful black Goddess that I could ever meet and I just hope that it works out. It won't be for lack of trying on my part.
Meanwhile I am still trying to sell most of the fetish gear that I have, while keeping the bits that Goddess is interested in. When I move, I want to take as little stuff as possible, so I hope the would-be buyer makes a decent offer.

Counting the days

I am now counting the days until I give up work and will be free to serve Goddess full time, if she wants it. I'm taking a holiday in the US but when I get back I will be focusing all my efforts on moving closer to Goddess. My dream is that she will allow me to be her live in slave. But at the moment she doesn't seem keen, so I will look for a place near where she lives. She is still mad at me because about six months ago I said I wanted to live near her but not with her. I deeply regret saying that now. I said a lot of things back then that I regret. My whole approach has changed so much since then. At the beginning of the year, after our holiday in the Caribbean, I suddenly realised for the first time that in order to serve Goddess to her satisfaction I had to accept that I am just a cunt and that I must obey her at all times.
I still speak out of turn sometimes (Rule 10 - think before you speak) - but I think I have improved a lot. I am happy now just to accept whatever Goddess says without argument or comment, because I realise that she is right. I can sit quietly without the need to make conversation if it's clear that this is what she wants, and I try to make sure my chores are done without her having to tell me. It can still be challenging being a slave but I know that this is what I want, so will do whatever it takes. I know it will be worthwhile in the end.

Changes ahead

It's only a couple of weeks until I give up full time work. Then I'm on holiday for a couple of weeks and after that I will be dedicated full time to Goddess. I'm already spending more time at work doing stuff for her than I do for the company that pays me - she's a very demanding Goddess - but I can't wait to serve her 24/7. My priority will be to move near her so that I'm on hand whenever I'm needed, but I'm hoping that she will want to move to a bigger house so that I can be her live-in slave. I know it will be tough at times, but she's such a fantastic person - beautiful, witty, fun to be with most of the time, intelligent and incredibly dominant, that I can't imagine anything better, particularly now that I will have time to attend to her needs.
I can't help but fantasise about how life will be, I know that all decisions are in her hands, but I dream of being allowed to sleep at the foot of her bed, drinking her golden nectar, being locked in my rubber bondage suit overnight, serving her as her maid, giving her oral pleasure, being whipped strongly and firmly on a regular basis, swallowing any pills or drugs she chooses to give me, being zapped with her remote control whenever she needs me and generally being totally dominated and humiliated by her.
I know that most of the time I will be doing my household chores, acting as her PA in support of her business. running errands for her, chauffering her around and generally being bossed around. But that's fine, because I have never before gained so much satisfaction from doing things for someone else. She owns me. I must always sit on the floor in her presence, sleep on the floor, kneel when I hand her a drink, call her Goddess at all times and obey her instructions instantly without question. I relish the fact that she has total control over me, and I can't wait for this to the full time permanent situation.
In a couple of months my life will have changed greatly. And I can't wait.

Maid to order

I've spent the last couple of nights at Goddess's house as she wanted me to take her to hospital for a medical procedure for a health problem she's been suffering from for the last year or so. She was apprehensive beforehand but she's a very strong person (naturally) and breezed through it while others were shaking in their boots. And the news afterwards was positive, which was very encouraging. She was happy (and so of course was I) but she told me that I had been downgraded over the last few months because of my previous failings. But I am hopeful that I may be upgraded soon to the position I enjoyed a few years ago when I was her slave previously. I feel much more committed now than I ever did then, but I know I must prove myself every day and hope that Goddess will recognise that. When I move to where she lives she may finally believe me, and I'm hopeful that will happen soon.
Going through the stuff that I hope to sell I came across a couple of maid's outfits, corsets and other female clothing. These were the clothes that Goddess would often make me wear in the past. I can well remember putting on the corset, which Goddess would tighten as tight as she could, the maid's uniform, stockings and high heels and serving Goddess as her sissy maid while she followed me with her whip. If I looked ridiculous it didn't worry me, as it was what Goddess wanted and I was only too happy to do as she wanted. I hope that I can get back to that situation when, or if, I am upgraded. Encouragingly, the maid's uniform (pictured) and a couple of corsets are among the items that Goddess has said I should keep, rather than sell, so I am optimistic.

Time off for good behaviour!

Goddess has allowed me out of my chastity device for a few days (first time in several months) so I have taken the opportunity of giving it a good clean and giving myself some much-needed relief. She didn't require my services this weekend so I will bring it with me when I next see her and find out if she wants me locked up again. It feels quite odd being free after such a long time.

I have got a lot of BDSM equipment - much more than I need - so I have been photographing it with a view to selling most of the items. Goddess has chosen some items that she wants me to keep which I look forward to making use of! Among the items to be sold are dozens of whips and bondage items, high heeled shoes and boots and some big items, such as a coffin, a couple of whipping benches, a St Andrews cross, a toilet box and a suspension sack. A friend of mine has a female friend who may be interested in buying some of this. I hope so as I plan to move soon to be nearer to Goddess so I don't want to take anything that I don't need.

I am including a few photos to illustrate a few of the items that are for sale.

Rule 10

Rule 10 of Goddess's additional set of rules is 'Think before you Speak'. Unfortunately I fell foul of that today. I had bought a new camera because my previous one had gone bust. I had chosen it because it had a really good zoom and I was looking forward to using it when I go to the States next month to visit some music festivals.
I showed it to Goddess and she immediately said that she wanted it and would give me her camera in its place, which doesn't have the same specifications. Of course I should have said Yes Goddess and then worked out later how I could get a replacement for my new camera. But instead I said no and offered to buy a similar camera for her is she wanted, but I was immediately in deep trouble. Goddess has told me before that I should never say no to her, and here I was doing just that. She said that no one ever said no to her, so who was I, a mere slave, to do it?
She was right of course and I quickly realised my mistake, but by that time it was too late. She said that she was testing me and that she wouldn't really have taken the camera off me. But I failed the test. I will have to do better in future.

Dual control

Goddess is a very shapely and curvaceous lady and she instructed me to buy her half a dozen 34FF bras last week with matching panties. Apparently it's difficult to find her bra size in any of the shops near where she lives so I was worried that I might have problems. But fortunately La Senza had exactly what she wanted and at a price that allowed me to buy more than she had ordered me to get.
I've had a very pleasant weekend with Goddess. Of course there were loads of chores for me to do when I went to see her on Saturday but I am happy if she's happy, and she was. In the evening she said that I was to accompany her and one of her attractive black girlfriends to a local pub. I was wearing the remote control electric shocker as well as the CB that I wear all the time and Goddess explained its purpose to her friend as we sat in the pub. She was disbelieving at first but soon realised that she could send a jolt through my balls at the touch of a button on the control box. So there I was, sitting with two incredibly gorgeous black women, being questioned and controlled, with both of them sending electric shocks through my balls whenever they felt like it. It was quite an experience. Apparently Goddess's friend wanted to apologise today for causing me pain but Goddess told her it wasn't necessary as I was her property and had no right to complain anyway. Not that I had any complaints. It was a great evening and a great weekend.

New chastity device?

I've been wearing my chastity device (a CB6000) for about six months now, with very few (very brief) periods of freedom. Goddess insists that I wear it all the time. It gives her control 24/7. It's uncomfortable when I get an erection, or rather when I try to get one - of course the CB makes a proper erection impossible. It can also be uncomfortable when skin gets trapped, as happens frequently. But it is a constant reminder of my status - and what Goddess wants, Goddess gets.
They say a change is as good as a rest so I am thinking of asking Goddess if I can try a new type - a steel one with a closed end. Here's the description http://www.steelpleasures.co.uk/?page=shop&shop_group_id=4&item_id=43
Goddess really enjoys using the remote control electric shocker on my balls whenever she wants to attract my attention, or just punish me. This is great for me, even though it can be painful, because it's a physical manifestation of Goddess's control and it's instant. I want to show her just how much she controls me and how far I am prepared to go to be her slave. The physical side is important, as well as the mental control. Hopefully she will begin to enjoy that aspect as time goes by. All I can do is my best.

A hard life as a slave

It can be a hard life being a slave to a beautiful black Goddess. The other night I got an email from her saying she was very upset with me because I had made what I thought was an innocuous comment about her to one of her male friends. Not only that but she said I was on my last warning, that she had always been happy to get rid of men who are a source of stress and I was no different, that her ex boyfriend hated me and that I had kept information about myself from her. I was rather shocked, as I thought I was improving as a slave, but it made me realise just how much I have to do to convince her that I am serious. She is a Goddess and if she criticises me then I must do more to show her that I am truly dedicated to her. I will not gossip in future to anyone, even if innocuous, and will give her any information she wants.
I suppose the episode made me realise that I am not really making much progress, despite my best efforts, and this depressed me somewhat. I want so much to please her and return, first of all, to how we were when I was her slave a few years ago, which seems a long way away at the moment. In those days she made me drink her golden nectar, sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed, whipped me from time to time, ordered me to lick her pussy, dressed me as a maid, put me in bondage and humiliated me in front of her female friends. I would love to do all of that again, and beyond that, to go a new level, where she trusts me totally, confides in me and treats me as the cunt that I am. I will keep trying to improve and win her over.
On the positive side, Goddess allowed me to go to a football match yesterday with her cousin, which I enjoyed, and was in a good mood when we both saw her today. She has the most fantastic personality and when she is happy she lights up the place and everyone there feels happy. She is one of those rare people who can bring people and places to life. And when she is happy I am happy.

Worried about Goddess

I have been worried sick about Goddess today. She had to go to hospital for a painful medical procedure and I didn't know how she was until just now, when I heard from her briefly on Skype. I still don't really know how she is. Hopefully she will tell me tomorrow. As her slave I want to be her confidant, the person who she feels she can tell anything and the person she trusts above all others. She chose a male friend to be with her today rather than me, but who am I to complain? Just a pathetic cunt who wants to serve his Goddess. All I want is for Goddess to be well and happy and for us to enjoy our Mistress/slave relationship to the full. Hope she gets well soon. She is in my thoughts all the time.

My wonderful Goddess

I am incredibly lucky that my Goddess has the most fantastic personality, as well as being very beautiful and possessing a fabulous figure. But when she's angry she really lets fly at me either verbally or on Skype or by text. If I'm with her she zaps my balls with her remote control at full strength, which gets me rolling in agony. And she is just as forceful on Skype.
Yesterday I angered her when we were discussing something on Skype and she gave me the full force of her displeasure. Here is a selection of her comments:
You are really proving to be a really worthless fucking cunt.
Only good for one thing - pissing on.
Not to be treated in any way fucking human
YOU ARE FUCKING PATHETIC, JUST A NOSEY COCKLESS CUNT
OK NOW PISS OFF CUNT
Of course, Goddess was absolutely right in every respect and all I could say in response was Yes Goddess. She has instructed me not do anything in future without her approval, and naturally I will obey.
What a wonderful Goddess! My photo isn't of her, but it's a lovely fantasy!

Memories of the old days

It's a fantastic honour being Goddess's slave and I try hard to obey all her orders as quickly as possible. If I get anything wrong or don't act quickly enough she reminds me that I am a pathetic cunt but I try my best. She is worried at the moment about her health and that means I am worried too, because I want her to be happy and well. I saw her this weekend but she didn't want me to stay, so I went down on Saturday to do my chores, and again on Sunday to bring her an item of furniture she wanted.
It's always a pleasure to see her and serve her because she truly is a goddess and absolutely beautiful, but I think back fondly to when I served her a few years ago. In those days I would spend the whole weekend at her house. I would sleep on the floor, sometimes in a straight jacket or a hood. She would sometimes make me lie down on the ground while she pissed on me, and she made me drink all her golden nectar from morning to night. Sometimes she would get me to dress as a maid while I cooked or cleaned. At other times she would whip me while I did my chores. Ah! - happy days!
I remember on one occasion we had been out for the evening and travelled back by train to her local station. For some reason I had said something that she didn't like. When we got to the station car park she ordered me to lie on the ground and pissed all over me. Then she kicked me as hard as she could in the body, got in her car and drove off. I was lying there, soaked to the skin, bruised and totally humiliated. But it only made me worship her even more. I guess being a slave is all about accepting humiliation and relishing it in the knowledge that it is what Goddess wants. Now that I have accepted my true position - as a pathetic cunt and a worthless piece of shit - I know it will be wonderful if and when Goddess decides to return to her former ways. That pee tasted so delicious I can't wait!

Goddess's new extra rules

Goddess says that I should aim to update the blog daily. It may get rather boring and repetitive but I will try. Here are some of Goddess's new extra rules that she has given me.
1.. When we are out and I am talking to a man keep away at a discreet distance, not loitering in an obvious way
2. Stop being sarcastic to me at any time
3. Stop taking the piss out of me - that is my job
4. I will take the piss out of you without receiving a comeback from you
5. No drinking alcohol until all your chores are done and you need to ask for permission to do so.
6. All my chores should be done before you watch TV especially football
7. When my friends and family are here you will still do your chores. They are here for me not to see you or play with you.
8. If I give you instructions and you are not sure ask me and don’t do what you think I want ... DO WHAT I WANT.
9. Be respectful to me at all times
10. Think before you speak
11. You are there to be seen not heard. If I want to talk to you I will talk to you and if I don’t want to it is my choice.
12. You should never ask me about other men. If I want to talk about them I will out of my own choice.
13 If I choose not to see you and change my plans don’t question me ever......
14. If you are unsure what chores need doing ASK ME.
15 If I sent you a list of chores print them out and tick them as soon as you have done them

Verbal abuse

I feel very honoured to be the slave of my beautiful black Goddess. She abuses me, both physically and verbally, and I would not change a thing. Now that she has a remote control electric shocker she can zap my balls whenever she chooses. And maybe physical abuse will develop in other ways as times go by.

When it comes to verbal abuse Goddess really is in a class of her own - and as a pathetic slave who lives only for her it's exciting and motivating. It was only when she started to call me a cunt at the beginning of this year that I really realised my true role. I now think of myself as a cunt and this has helped me to submit totally to her. When I text or email her I sign my name as cunt, because that's what I am.

When I was with Goddess a few years ago she would sometimes send me texts that excited me beyond words. So much so that at the time (October 13th, 2004) I made a note of her texts.

One read: " You're a dirty pathetic cunt slut who is lucky to serve a superior Mistress like me who loves to humiliate, feminise and use you as a toilet."

Another read: "I want you as my cockless cunt. I am happy you are my pathetic bitch that deserves nothing more than to be spat on, pissed on, used and abused by me for always."

I was so excited that day I couldn't concentrate on work at all. And I look forward to more in the future! Here's a picture of Goddess whipping me a few years ago.

Email to Goddess

This is an email that I wrote to Goddess a couple of months ago. Goddess has instructed me to put it on the blog. Since I wrote this she has become a lot more strict with me and says that she will shortly be giving me a new set of rules. But life is exciting and rewarding and I have spent two holidays in the sun serving her as her slave.
Dear Goddess
I am getting used to wearing my CB again after a few years of freedom, and I must admit it feels good to be owned by you. I am aware of it all the time and it’s a reminder of my position. I don’t suppose I will ever completely live up to your expectations as a slave, but I will try – I promise you that. I’m beginning to get back into the domestic routine of looking after your room, doing housework etc. It’s not work that comes to me naturally as I’m rather a lazy bitch but I will do my best, because I want to please you.
Being with you is always a privilege, nearly always fun and often exciting, and I hope that by pleasing you the excitement will increase. I will support you as you regain your health and you know I will always be in your corner in your battles with Arthur. If I’m tactless sometimes please forgive me, because I mean no harm. And please don’t think I’m being negative every time I make a comment about something. I’m actually a very positive person – if I wasn’t I probably wouldn’t look the way I do. But maybe I’m too much of a realist on occasions.
I’m looking forward to the holiday very much. It’s many years since I spent time just relaxing. Usually I’m dashing off looking at sites or listening to music. But being with you and the boys in the sunshine will be something different and at that time of the year it couldn’t be better.
As time goes by I hope that the physical side of our relationship will develop. By that I don’t necessarily mean sex, but things like corporal punishment, humiliation, bondage, viagra and cross dressing. I really love rubber and I hope that you will lock me in my rubber bondage suit and administer me some drugs so that I completely relax. When you come to my place I would love to show you the equipment that I’ve got. It might inspire your enthusiasm! Or I can bring things with me when I visit you – some of them anyway. Maybe we could go to some fetish clubs occasionally as well.
I know that I am a pathetic slut, a cockless cunt and unworthy of being with a Goddess such as yourself. And at my age I’m a lucky bastard to even be in with a chance. But believe me I worship you and want to make you happy. I am sure that you will overcome all obstacles in your way and I want to be by your side as you do so. It’s not ideal living so far away from you, but hopefully that will change in the next year or so. In the meantime you have my love and my subservience as your slave. I look forward to our future with excitement.
Yours submissively,
Orange XXX

A shocking experience

Goddess used the new remote shocker on me over the weekend for the first time. Whenever she wanted to attract my attention, or make me shut up, she used her remote control and sent an electric shock through my balls. As she had guests with her I couldn't say anything but she could see me suddenly jump or gasp when the pain hit me. After some drinks in a local pub, where she shocked me several times, I had to drive her and her cousin home and she started using the shocker at its highest level. It's not easy driving when your balls are being blasted by shocks but I managed somehow. And then as her cousin and I were preparing to leave she inflicted a whole series of high level shocks on me which had me jumping up and down and gasping for breath, but her cousin didn't seem to notice so I guess I passed the test.

Ever since Goddess said that she would spend a night really putting me through my paces, with punishments, rubber bondage and pee drinking, I have been fantasising like mad. But I have to be patient. We are going away to the sun next week and I will be serving Goddess in any way she wishes to make sure she really enjoys the break. If that includes any of the above I will be in heaven, but my objective is to make sure that Goddess is happy.

Here is a picture of me being whipped at a fetish club a few years back - not by Goddess on this occasion, but by another black dominatrix who put me through my paces while Goddess looked on with amusement.

Remote control

Goddess now has a new way of controlling me when I am with her. It's a remote control electric shocker which allows her to deliver a shock to my balls whenever she wants my attention, or just wants to torture me. It's actually designed for small dogs, but it can be wrapped around my balls (see photo). Goddess holds the remote, which allows her to give me four grades of shock, ranging from a minor tingle up to a fierce shuddering pain which really hurts. She can use it when I am in another room, in the garden, or if I am lying on the floor at night. She had one of these once before but it stopped working so I ordered a new one and I'm looking forward to being on the receiving end.

Goddess has also instructed me to book a hotel room in a few weeks time so that she can whip me, make me drink her golden nectar (which I love), lock me in my rubber suit for the night, suitably sedated, and generally deal with me as she thinks fit. She will sleep in a luxurious queen size bed while I, naturally, will sleep on the floor. She plans to make this a monthly event, or maybe even more frequent, possibly co-ordinating it with a visit to a fetish club with me dressed as a maid. I can't wait!

Life has been hectic lately as Goddess has been getting me to help build up her business, which sometimes interferes with my work. I know which comes first - Goddess! She also gets me to order her shopping online, plus anything else that she wants. If I get anything wrong, which sadly is often as she is a stickler for detail, she calls me a cunt, which is the name I now think of as mine. But I couldn't wish for a better or more beautiful Goddess and I know how lucky I am.

Goddess's rules

Goddess gave me a set of rules that she instructed me to study and follow. Here they are:
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind under any circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wants him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviours she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behaviour.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defences, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
Easy really - as long as I never forget that I am a cunt in my Goddess's eyes and must always obey. Here's a photo from some time back. I dream of being in that position again.

Chastity bites

One of the things my Goddess insists on is that I wear a chastity device, with her holding the keys to the padlock that keeps it in place. I have been wearing one virtually uninterrupted now for about five months, and it's currently been on for a month without a break. I have got used to it, but I am conscious of it all the time, especially when I am aroused and I can't get an erection (every morning and quite often at other times). It can be painful at times but that is a small price to pay to ensure my Goddess is happy and it is a constant reminder of my inferior status. She likes to know that I cannot have sex with anyone else (not that I would) or play with myself and she knows that so long as I am wearing it and she has the keys, she is in total control of a part of me - even if I'm miles away.
I made the mistake just before we went on holiday of asking Goddess if she would let me have the keys so that I could take it off before we went through airport security. Big mistake! She was very angry with me for trying to undermine her control over me and although she gave me the keys I was reminded regularly about my request. I certainly won't make the same mistake again. The last thing I want to do is undermine my Goddess so I will keep quiet in future at all times. I guess the chastity device will be locked on permanently from now on but if that is what Goddess wants that's fine by me. On a couple of occasions she's given me a Viagra tablet so that she can watch me squirm as my pathetic dick tries to escape. She calls be a cockless cunt and it's a very accurate description.
This weekend I have been in the doghouse because I left it late before asking if I could go to a music gig being organised by a friend. She called me a cunt and reminded me that I was a slave, not a boyfriend and certainly not the master. That's another mistake I won't make again. All I really care about is keeping Goddess happy, regardless of the humiliation or pain. Today she had me running around lingerie departments of various shops looking for some clothes she wanted. But am I bothered? Not if my Goddess tells me to. Because I recognise that I am just a cunt and she has total power over me.

Slave to a beautiful black Goddess

I have blogged before, under another name, and I have been writing a blog for my Goddess, or Mistress, for several years. But this is my first blog as a slave. I'm not sure what may appear in the future, as everything that happens to me in the future is under the control of my Goddess. But maybe there will be stuff of interest to report. I certainly hope so.

First, a little about my Goddess. She is beautiful, black, fun to be with, witty, intelligent and very, very dominant. She is in her mid 30s. I am in my early 60s (although people say I look up to 20 years younger). I know however that I am extremely lucky to have such a gorgeous Goddess. It's not as if I'm rich - although she has had many multi millionaires among her admirers. But for some reason she has taken me on as her slave.

She keeps me in a chastity device - a CB6000 shorty (I've got a small dick) and I have been wearing this for several months with very little freedom during that time. I have known Goddess for several years and I was her slave for about a year, but I stupidly went back to another black Mistress who I had been with previously. Things happened over the ensuing years and I ended up going back to my Goddess. To be honest, this was the best thing that could have happened. My other Mistress had a mean streak and was incredibly moody. My Goddess has her moods, but these are more than made up for by her fantastic personality. In any case, she is my Goddess and therefore her moods are not important - the only important thing is her wishes - what she needs and wants.

When I was with her before Goddess made me sleep at the foot of the bed. made me drink her pee, pissed on me, whipped me, made me sleep in a straight jacket (here's a photo from a few years ago), got me to lick her pussy and arse, dressed me as a maid and generally humiliated me. We would go to fetish clubs sometimes, with me dressed as a female or in bondage. What a wonderful experience! We don't do any of these things currently, which is my fault. I was unfaithful to her by going back to my former Mistress and I know that even since we have been back together I haven't put her needs ahead of all others as I now know I must.

But I have learned my lesson. I realise that I must obey her instantly, make her the focus of everything I do and always remember that she is my superior in every way. Recently she has taken to calling me 'cunt', and I think I finally realise my true position in life. It excites me, but most of all I realise that I am just a cunt - a worthless piece of shit, who has no right to question her and must do what I am told.

I have a lot of work to do to convince Goddess that I am serious,but I hope that in time Goddess will humiliate and degrade me like she used to do, treat me like dirt. lock me up in my rubber suit, piss on me and use me as the useless piece of shit that I am. But as she is the boss I can only concentrate on serving her and proving my sincerity as a true submissive over the weeks and months to come. She is a wonderful Goddess and I am eternally grateful that she cares enough to make me her slave - tough though may prove to be.

This may the only blog entry, because if Goddess doesn't approve I will stop, but maybe there will be more. We will see!