In the shit

It's been a while since my last entry. Goddess allowed me to go on holiday to the States where I went to several music festivals. I missed Goddess while I was away and was looking forward to seeing her. She told me to come down on Wednesday and do her shopping while she was at work. I went back to her place, but she said she had another meeting to go to and didn't appear. In my desperation, I suppose, to see her I eventually sent her some texts which she took exception to - more than that she was fuming, and still is. It was very stupid of me, especially as the subject of the texts was something that she felt very strongly about, is very sensitive about and which is her Achilles heel. I even tried to phone her, instead of sitting quietly waiting for instructions, and afterwards I made excuses rather than being full of remorse for my behaviour. She was rightly upset and I know that I was a complete cunt for sending the texts and making the calls. I was an idiot to behave in such an appalling way to satisfy my own needs. I forgot my position is one of a pathetic cunt/slave who is unfit to lick the soles of her shoes and I should have been much more aware of Goddess's sensitivities. She is the only thing that matters in my life and I should have only been thinking about her, not about me. I forgot the cardinal rule which is to THINK BEFORE I SPEAK OR ACT. The outcome is that I haven't seen her since I got back and I don't know when I will.
She has forbidden me to text, phone, email or Skype her. She says that in future she will treat me worse than the worthless cunt I am. She will not be seen out with me until she decides otherwise. I will drop her off, go home and then pick her up when she is ready. She is truly upset by the texts and I know it will take some time until she forgives me. I had such hopes of moving forward to a new, better situation with Goddess, but now those hopes are in ruins. I can do nothing other than prostrate myself to her, obey totally and keep quiet. She wants me to be more submissive, more sensitive to her emotional needs, totally obedient and accept any humiliation she chooses to deliver. I have no choice but to assent. Meanwhile I am looking for somewhere to live near her so that I am close at hand whenever she needs me. But at the moment she won't speak to me (apart from via Skype) or see me.