Doing what Goddess wants

On Monday Goddess told me to be ready and waiting for her in her house dressed in my maid's uniform. I was excited and also nervous, as Goddess is very demanding. I went to her house and put on my stockings, corset, bra, high heel shoes, wig and the maid's outfit and awaited her arrival. I made sure her champagne was chilled and poured her a glass as soon as she arrived. She quickly put me to work, clearing out and tidying a cupboard. She seemed pleased with my performance, although she surprised me somewhat when she said she only wanted me to dress as a maid because she thought I like to cross dress. She's right, I do enjoy it, but mainly because Goddess wants it. I enjoy the feeling of a tight corset and stockings and the humiliation of doing Goddess's work dressed as a French maid. It's vaguely ridiculous and humiliating, but as long as Goddess wants it that is fine by me, because basically all I want to do is please Goddess. I wrote a fantasy recently in which Goddess ordered me to wear female clothing under my normal clothing all the time. I can't imagine doing that off my own bat, but if Goddess ordered it I would do it. That is what female domination is about I think: getting the slave to do things that he would never do normally. I bought a kilt on her instructions recently because she said she wanted me to shop for her wearing a skirt. But I would never dream of wearing it unless instructed to by Goddess.
One thing I do love, and which I might well do occasionally even if not instructed, is wear my rubber suit. It's a nice feeling, but for me the greatest thrill - mixed with a degree of trepidation - would be to be forced to wear it by Goddess, sedated so that I relax, overnight or during the day while she is at work. It is like being back in the womb - enclosed, isolated, sweaty and cut off from the world. The exciting feeling of enclosure would be overtaken in time by boredom and I know I would be listening impatiently for Goddess's return, but it's this feeling of helplessness and total lack of empowerment that appeals to me. I also fantasise about being tied to the whipping bench and whipped by Goddess. This is not particularly pleasurable - for a coward like me at any rate - but it's all about opening myself up to my Goddess and allowing her to do whatever she wishes.
I try hard to please Goddess, but unfortunately I sometimes say something that upsets her and suffer the consequences, which was the case this week. It was a week that I dreamed would be a breakthrough in our relationship. I always hope for the best and will continue to do everything I can to please Goddess, because she is a very special Goddess.

Maid service

I spent today serving as Goddess's maid, dressed in full maid's outfit complete with corset, bra, stockings and, of course, the traditional French maid frilly uniform. Goddess kept me busy cleaning out her freezer and doing various other tasks around the house. I was honoured to be allowed to serve her in this way. Naturally I had my CB on as usual and also the remote control shocker around my genitals (although she didn't use it), but she is such a dominant and beautiful Mistress that I will willingly do anything she wishes of me. She says she would like me to dress in female clothing when I shop for her but doesn't feel that I would be convincing as a female (although I'm more than willing to try!), so has instructed me to order a kilt, which I have done and which should arrive in the next few days. It's a black one which doesn't look overly Scottish, but which is definitely a skirt. I'm not sure how I will feel when I wear it outside, but if it pleases Goddess I will do so.
Next week I am looking forward to her staying at my house and I have no doubt that she will be very demanding. She has already said that I will 'overdose' on her golden nectar, and I hope to serve as her maid again. I am also hopeful that she will make full use of the various pieces of equipment that I have, including a whipping bench, a 'coffin' and a rubber suit complete with breathing tube. She tells me that it will be a hard week for me. I can't wait!

Lilac whine

It's always nice to know that some people read my blog and to get comments from time to time.
Goddess instructed me to report that one of her former slaves, whom she gave the colour Lilac, is a regular reader. She met him recently and apparently he looks much the same, although a little greyer, and he has updated his old car at last.
When he left service Goddess was unimpressed when Lilac presented her with a bill for all the things he had paid for when they had been together, even breaking it down to petrol for his car and drinks at the pub. When they met and she told him that her business was doing well he asked if that meant she would pay his 'bill'. She replied that if she did she would present him with a bill for the time he spent in her presence, which would easily exceed any monetary amount he might come up with.

My perfect Goddess

Goddess really is the most perfect Mistress I could ever hope to meet. When I do something right she praises me and I feel incredibly happy, but when I do something that she doesn't like, which is all too often, she makes me feel like the cockless cunt that I undoubtedly am. I have experienced both of these extremes in the last couple of days but today she was pleased with me and gave me a glass of her golden nectar to drink, so I am in ecstasy.
She says that at the end of next month she will stay at my place for a week and I will overdose on her piss. I cannot wait. It tastes fantastic and I will feel great knowing I am recycling every drop she produces. I have been watching some of the extreme caning and whipping videos that have been appearing on Informed Consent recently and I wonder if she will whip me while I am strapped to my whipping bench. I'm not sure how I would take the extreme punishments, but I think that perhaps a weekly whipping would keep me in order. I am also hoping that Goddess will make me wear my rubber suit with breathing tube and lock me in the coffin shaped box for long periods, preferably while I am sedated so that I relax totally. It will no doubt be a sweaty and humiliating experience, but the feel of the rubber and the sense of complete helpnessness while under the control of my Goddess is something I really crave. I fantasise about Goddess using her remote control to send a shock through my balls as I lie there helpless, and occasionally unzipping the hood to let me drink her golden pee. All the while I am just a slave, unable to move or see.
Goddess will no doubt keep me busy over the next few weeks, helping her with her business, doing my chores and running errands. But she is the most beautiful, voluptuous black Goddess that anyone could imagine and I will do anything for her. If it wasn't for my chastity device I would probably have a wank every night. But the CB prevents that, so all I can do is admire her beauty, obey her orders and feel my pathetic prick straining against the CB. I am a happy slave to Goddess!

In the country

It's now over two weeks since I moved to my new cottage in the country so I now serve Goddess on a daily basis. It's been a busy two weeks and Goddess has certainly put me through my paces, but it's great and I love it. I am only 15 minutes away from her house so I have been driving backwards and forwards to do chores for her, help her with her business and generally be available. She is a hard taskmaster and she has jokingly put a 'Retired and loving it' sticker on my car. I get very little time to laze around. But it is a privilege to be able to serve her every day and I look forward to seeing her whenever I am commanded to attend.
She has only visited my new home once but I am hoping that her visits will become more frequent in the future. I have quite a bit of BDSM equipment, including a coffin, whipping bench, rubber suit, whips, corset and handcuffs, as well as several maid's outfits, and I am hopeful that Goddess will wish to make full use of them in the future. She now allows me to drink her golden nectar on occasions, for which I am grateful, and I dream of 'recycling' every day. Most of the time I wear a chastity device and also the remote electric shocker when I am with her, and I enjoy the feeling of submission this gives.
I continue to disappoint Goddess however by not reaching her high standards sometimes so I know I must continue to improve. I love and worship her whereas I realise I am just a cockless cunt so far as she is concerned, but hopefully if I please her she may allow me to sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed sometimes and maybe even let me please her orally at some point in the future. I can only fantasise and do my best. She really is a wonderful and beautiful Goddess and I can't imagine a time in the future when I wasn't her slave.

LIFE CHANGE

My life changes totally tomorrow when I make my long awaited move to live near my Goddess. She has doubted that this would ever happen, but it has been what I've wanted for a long time. I know that life will be tough, as Goddess is very demanding and any deviation from perfection is instantly under scrutiny. And I know I am far from perfect. But she is a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, black Goddess and I will do my best. I told her the other day that I felt that I am now in a state of total submission. I feel that to be true, and although I know she will be never be satisfied I won't complain.
We went for a delicious meal yesterday to celebrate my move. She looked absolutely gorgeous as ever and I believe Goddess is as excited about me moving as I am. She said today that she looked forward to sipping her champagne at my new house, with me recycling it later in the day. And she told me to bring my 'coffin' so that she can leave me locked inside in my rubber bondage suit while she's away.
I can't wait to move and I will do my best to do everything that Goddess wants. She wants me to get a picnic hamper because, as she said, "It fits two bottles and is easy for an ageing slave to carry following his bitchy young goddess." I can't wait for the chance and will follow her anywhere she wishes.
On Goddess's orders I am now wearing the Houdini chastity device, which is a vicious metal contraption which really doesn't allow any chance of escape. The photo illustrates it.

Counting the days

am counting the days until I move to my new place near where Goddess lives. I am so much looking forward to being able to serve her whenever she wants and I hope that my move will help me progress to new levels of total obedience and submissiveness on my part, and greater confidence and belief in me on hers.She instructed me to bring my maid's uniform when I visited her yesterday and when I arrived I quickly put on my corset, bra, stockings, wig and, of course, my maid's outfit. I spent a busy morning cleaning her carpets and by the end of it I was dripping with sweat. But I was very happy to get back to serving as her maid and she seemed pleased with me as well. She said she would allow me to sleep at the foot of her bed, as I used to do when I was her slave before. But I made a mistake later by not giving her a matching knife and fork when I served her a salad, so I was told that I must sleep downstairs. I was upset, but I know that I must accept whatever Goddess tells me. I just have to try even harder to remember these small things and show her how serious I am. I think that even now she doubts me when I say that I am moving, but I've paid the deposit and the first month's rent, booked the removal and am busy packing.

When I move I hope and pray that Goddess starts to believe in me.So I live in hope, knowing that any small mistake will lead to repercussions, but happily accepting my fate, because I worship my Goddess and want only to please her.

Here's a photo of Goddess whipping me while I'm a straight jacket a few years ago.