Goddess really is the most perfect Mistress I could ever hope to meet. When I do something right she praises me and I feel incredibly happy, but when I do something that she doesn't like, which is all too often, she makes me feel like the cockless cunt that I undoubtedly am. I have experienced both of these extremes in the last couple of days but today she was pleased with me and gave me a glass of her golden nectar to drink, so I am in ecstasy.
She says that at the end of next month she will stay at my place for a week and I will overdose on her piss. I cannot wait. It tastes fantastic and I will feel great knowing I am recycling every drop she produces. I have been watching some of the extreme caning and whipping videos that have been appearing on Informed Consent recently and I wonder if she will whip me while I am strapped to my whipping bench. I'm not sure how I would take the extreme punishments, but I think that perhaps a weekly whipping would keep me in order. I am also hoping that Goddess will make me wear my rubber suit with breathing tube and lock me in the coffin shaped box for long periods, preferably while I am sedated so that I relax totally. It will no doubt be a sweaty and humiliating experience, but the feel of the rubber and the sense of complete helpnessness while under the control of my Goddess is something I really crave. I fantasise about Goddess using her remote control to send a shock through my balls as I lie there helpless, and occasionally unzipping the hood to let me drink her golden pee. All the while I am just a slave, unable to move or see.
Goddess will no doubt keep me busy over the next few weeks, helping her with her business, doing my chores and running errands. But she is the most beautiful, voluptuous black Goddess that anyone could imagine and I will do anything for her. If it wasn't for my chastity device I would probably have a wank every night. But the CB prevents that, so all I can do is admire her beauty, obey her orders and feel my pathetic prick straining against the CB. I am a happy slave to Goddess!
Monday, 28 June 2010
Thursday, 17 June 2010
In the country
It's now over two weeks since I moved to my new cottage in the country so I now serve Goddess on a daily basis. It's been a busy two weeks and Goddess has certainly put me through my paces, but it's great and I love it. I am only 15 minutes away from her house so I have been driving backwards and forwards to do chores for her, help her with her business and generally be available. She is a hard taskmaster and she has jokingly put a 'Retired and loving it' sticker on my car. I get very little time to laze around. But it is a privilege to be able to serve her every day and I look forward to seeing her whenever I am commanded to attend.
She has only visited my new home once but I am hoping that her visits will become more frequent in the future. I have quite a bit of BDSM equipment, including a coffin, whipping bench, rubber suit, whips, corset and handcuffs, as well as several maid's outfits, and I am hopeful that Goddess will wish to make full use of them in the future. She now allows me to drink her golden nectar on occasions, for which I am grateful, and I dream of 'recycling' every day. Most of the time I wear a chastity device and also the remote electric shocker when I am with her, and I enjoy the feeling of submission this gives.
I continue to disappoint Goddess however by not reaching her high standards sometimes so I know I must continue to improve. I love and worship her whereas I realise I am just a cockless cunt so far as she is concerned, but hopefully if I please her she may allow me to sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed sometimes and maybe even let me please her orally at some point in the future. I can only fantasise and do my best. She really is a wonderful and beautiful Goddess and I can't imagine a time in the future when I wasn't her slave.
She has only visited my new home once but I am hoping that her visits will become more frequent in the future. I have quite a bit of BDSM equipment, including a coffin, whipping bench, rubber suit, whips, corset and handcuffs, as well as several maid's outfits, and I am hopeful that Goddess will wish to make full use of them in the future. She now allows me to drink her golden nectar on occasions, for which I am grateful, and I dream of 'recycling' every day. Most of the time I wear a chastity device and also the remote electric shocker when I am with her, and I enjoy the feeling of submission this gives.
I continue to disappoint Goddess however by not reaching her high standards sometimes so I know I must continue to improve. I love and worship her whereas I realise I am just a cockless cunt so far as she is concerned, but hopefully if I please her she may allow me to sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed sometimes and maybe even let me please her orally at some point in the future. I can only fantasise and do my best. She really is a wonderful and beautiful Goddess and I can't imagine a time in the future when I wasn't her slave.
Monday, 31 May 2010
LIFE CHANGE
My life changes totally tomorrow when I make my long awaited move to live near my Goddess. She has doubted that this would ever happen, but it has been what I've wanted for a long time. I know that life will be tough, as Goddess is very demanding and any deviation from perfection is instantly under scrutiny. And I know I am far from perfect. But she is a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, black Goddess and I will do my best. I told her the other day that I felt that I am now in a state of total submission. I feel that to be true, and although I know she will be never be satisfied I won't complain.
We went for a delicious meal yesterday to celebrate my move. She looked absolutely gorgeous as ever and I believe Goddess is as excited about me moving as I am. She said today that she looked forward to sipping her champagne at my new house, with me recycling it later in the day. And she told me to bring my 'coffin' so that she can leave me locked inside in my rubber bondage suit while she's away.
I can't wait to move and I will do my best to do everything that Goddess wants. She wants me to get a picnic hamper because, as she said, "It fits two bottles and is easy for an ageing slave to carry following his bitchy young goddess." I can't wait for the chance and will follow her anywhere she
wishes.
On Goddess's orders I am now wearing the Houdini chastity device, which is a vicious metal contraption which really doesn't allow any chance of escape. The photo illustrates it.
We went for a delicious meal yesterday to celebrate my move. She looked absolutely gorgeous as ever and I believe Goddess is as excited about me moving as I am. She said today that she looked forward to sipping her champagne at my new house, with me recycling it later in the day. And she told me to bring my 'coffin' so that she can leave me locked inside in my rubber bondage suit while she's away.
I can't wait to move and I will do my best to do everything that Goddess wants. She wants me to get a picnic hamper because, as she said, "It fits two bottles and is easy for an ageing slave to carry following his bitchy young goddess." I can't wait for the chance and will follow her anywhere she
wishes.On Goddess's orders I am now wearing the Houdini chastity device, which is a vicious metal contraption which really doesn't allow any chance of escape. The photo illustrates it.
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Counting the days
am counting the days until I move to my new place near where Goddess lives. I am so much looking forward to being able to serve her whenever she wants and I hope that my move will help me progress to new levels of total obedience and submissiveness on my part, and greater confidence and belief in me on hers.She instructed me to bring my maid's uniform when I visited her yesterday and when I arrived I quickly put on my corset, bra, stockings, wig and, of course, my maid's outfit. I spent a busy morning cleaning her carpets and by the end of it I was dripping with sweat. But I was very happy to get back to serving as her maid and she seemed pleased with me as well. She said she would allow me to sleep at the foot of her bed, as I used to do when I was her slave before. But I made 
a mistake later by not giving her a matching knife and fork when I served her a salad, so I was told that I must sleep downstairs. I was upset, but I know that I must accept whatever Goddess tells me. I just have to try even harder to remember these small things and show her how serious I am. I think that even now she doubts me when I say that I am moving, but I've paid the deposit and the first month's rent, booked the removal and am busy packing.
a mistake later by not giving her a matching knife and fork when I served her a salad, so I was told that I must sleep downstairs. I was upset, but I know that I must accept whatever Goddess tells me. I just have to try even harder to remember these small things and show her how serious I am. I think that even now she doubts me when I say that I am moving, but I've paid the deposit and the first month's rent, booked the removal and am busy packing. When I move I hope and pray that Goddess starts to believe in me.So I live in hope, knowing that any small mistake will lead to repercussions, but happily accepting my fate, because I worship my Goddess and want only to please her.
Here's a photo of Goddess whipping me while I'm a straight jacket a few years ago.
Monday, 17 May 2010
Finalising my move
Goddess has still not forgiven me for my behaviour when I came back from holiday but at least I have seen her a couple of times and done quite a few jobs and chores for her, which she has appreciated I think, and she still wants me as her slave, which is all I really want in life. I am getting close to finalising my move to live near her so that I can serve her on daily basis, or 24/7 if that is what she wants. Everything is in her hands and I can only hope that I do well enough for her to want to progress towards that.
She gave me some encouragement recently when she told me that one day, after I move in to my new house, she will demand that I dress as a maid and cook and serve her and a female friend. Later she asked me to write a story imagining the day. I certainly fantasised about all the things that I would really like Goddess to do to me, making sure that her wishes and demands were at the centre of everything, and I was flattered, and encouraged, when she said she loved it, and it gave me some hope for the future. If she wants, I will put it on the blog. All I really want is to be owned by her, humiliated by her, whipped, put into rubber bondage and become her plaything and cunt/slave full time. Maybe in time, if I do my best, this will happen on a daily basis.
At long last my metal chastity device has arrived. I originally ordered a closed cap version but the company that was supposed to supply it failed to do so (I won't name them but they are quite well known and did not come up to scratch), so in the end I ordered a Houdini from another company. I am not wearing it yet as Goddess has not instructed me to do so, but it looks like it will live up to its name, as being completely escape proof. I am now wearing a ring with the word SLAVE inscribed on it, and Goddess has ordered me to get one for her with the word GODDESS on it, which should arrive soon.
Overall, life as a cunt/slave to my Goddess continues to be a challenge, but I will do my best to obey her, remember not to speak or act before thinking and always bear her needs and sensitivities in mind. And if I succeed I know we will both be very happy.
She gave me some encouragement recently when she told me that one day, after I move in to my new house, she will demand that I dress as a maid and cook and serve her and a female friend. Later she asked me to write a story imagining the day. I certainly fantasised about all the things that I would really like Goddess to do to me, making sure that her wishes and demands were at the centre of everything, and I was flattered, and encouraged, when she said she loved it, and it gave me some hope for the future. If she wants, I will put it on the blog. All I really want is to be owned by her, humiliated by her, whipped, put into rubber bondage and become her plaything and cunt/slave full time. Maybe in time, if I do my best, this will happen on a daily basis.
At long last my metal chastity device has arrived. I originally ordered a closed cap version but the company that was supposed to supply it failed to do so (I won't name them but they are quite well known and did not come up to scratch), so in the end I ordered a Houdini from another company. I am not wearing it yet as Goddess has not instructed me to do so, but it looks like it will live up to its name, as being completely escape proof. I am now wearing a ring with the word SLAVE inscribed on it, and Goddess has ordered me to get one for her with the word GODDESS on it, which should arrive soon.
Overall, life as a cunt/slave to my Goddess continues to be a challenge, but I will do my best to obey her, remember not to speak or act before thinking and always bear her needs and sensitivities in mind. And if I succeed I know we will both be very happy.
Saturday, 8 May 2010
Female Rules
Goddess has instructed me to reproduce the Female Rules.
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind under any circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wants him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviours she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behaviour.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defences, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
1. The female makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted.
4. If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. THE FEMALE IS NEVER WRONG.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,or did not say.
7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all.
9. The male is never permitted to change his mind under any circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wants him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention. See rule 13.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female.
14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, or wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
15. The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.
16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviours she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behaviour.
17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defences, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject pleas for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
In the shit
It's been a while since my last entry. Goddess allowed me to go on holiday to the States where I went to several music festivals. I missed Goddess while I was away and was looking forward to seeing her. She told me to come down on Wednesday and do her shopping while she was at work. I went back to her place, but she said she had another meeting to go to and didn't appear. In my desperation, I suppose, to see her I eventually sent her some texts which she took exception to - more than that she was fuming, and still is. It was very stupid of me, especially as the subject of the texts was something that she felt very strongly about, is very sensitive about and which is her Achilles heel. I even tried to phone her, instead of sitting quietly waiting for instructions, and afterwards I made excuses rather than being full of remorse for my behaviour. She was rightly upset and I know that I was a complete cunt for sending the texts and making the calls. I was an idiot to behave in such an appalling way to satisfy my own needs. I forgot my position is one of a pathetic cunt/slave who is unfit to lick the soles of her shoes and I should have been much more aware of Goddess's sensitivities. She is the only thing that matters in my life and I should have only been thinking about her, not about me. I forgot the cardinal rule which is to THINK BEFORE I SPEAK OR ACT. The outcome is that I haven't seen her since I got back and I don't know when I will.
She has forbidden me to text, phone, email or Skype her. She says that in future she will treat me worse than the worthless cunt I am. She will not be seen out with me until she decides otherwise. I will drop her off, go home and then pick her up when she is ready. She is truly upset by the texts and I know it will take some time until she forgives me. I had such hopes of moving forward to a new, better situation with Goddess, but now those hopes are in ruins. I can do nothing other than prostrate myself to her, obey totally and keep quiet. She wants me to be more submissive, more sensitive to her emotional needs, totally obedient and accept any humiliation she chooses to deliver. I have no choice but to assent. Meanwhile I am looking for somewhere to live near her so that I am close at hand whenever she needs me. But at the moment she won't speak to me (apart from via Skype) or see me.
She has forbidden me to text, phone, email or Skype her. She says that in future she will treat me worse than the worthless cunt I am. She will not be seen out with me until she decides otherwise. I will drop her off, go home and then pick her up when she is ready. She is truly upset by the texts and I know it will take some time until she forgives me. I had such hopes of moving forward to a new, better situation with Goddess, but now those hopes are in ruins. I can do nothing other than prostrate myself to her, obey totally and keep quiet. She wants me to be more submissive, more sensitive to her emotional needs, totally obedient and accept any humiliation she chooses to deliver. I have no choice but to assent. Meanwhile I am looking for somewhere to live near her so that I am close at hand whenever she needs me. But at the moment she won't speak to me (apart from via Skype) or see me.
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