Goddess is unhappy with me because I still think for myself on occasions. At the weekend I put on my 'Orange for Goddess' housecoat without asking permission first. And tonight, while I was doing marketing emails for her business, I sent one to a business that she didn't have on her list. I was only trying to help, but the answer of course is that I must stop thinking for her and just do what I am told, without argument. I am desperate for her to say that I can be her live-in slave, but each time I make a mistake I go back one space, like a game of Ludo. I leave work in two days time and (flights allowing) hope to go to the US on holiday - with Goddess's blessing. When I get back I will be her property and I will move to her area.
My dream is that she will let me be her live-in slave. I know it will not be easy serving her 24/7 but I am determined, and the reward, hopefully, is that she will let me sleep at the foot at her bed, drink her pee, be whipped regularly, serve her orally, be humiliated and degraded and locked up for the night in my rubber bondage suit. It may be just a fantasy, but I hope that I have proved my devotion and showed her that I am truly sorry for the comments I made last year which she still berates me for. I know this is my one and only chance to achieve slavery with the most fantastic and beautiful black Goddess that I could ever meet and I just hope that it works out. It won't be for lack of trying on my part.
Meanwhile I am still trying to sell most of the fetish gear that I have, while keeping the bits that Goddess is interested in. When I move, I want to take as little stuff as possible, so I hope the would-be buyer makes a decent offer.
Monday, 19 April 2010
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Counting the days
I am now counting the days until I give up work and will be free to serve Goddess full time, if she wants it. I'm taking a holiday in the US but when I get back I will be focusing all my efforts on moving closer to Goddess. My dream is that she will allow me to be her live in slave. But at the moment she doesn't seem keen, so I will look for a place near where she lives. She is still mad at me because about six months ago I said I wanted to live near her but not with her. I deeply regret saying that now. I said a lot of things back then that I regret. My whole approach has changed so much since then. At the beginning of the year, after our holiday in the Caribbean, I suddenly realised for the first time that in order to serve Goddess to her satisfaction I had to accept that I am just a cunt and that I must obey her at all times.
I still speak out of turn sometimes (Rule 10 - think before you speak) - but I think I have improved a lot. I am happy now just to accept whatever Goddess says without argument or comment, because I realise that she is right. I can sit quietly without the need to make conversation if it's clear that this is what she wants, and I try to make sure my chores are done without her having to tell me. It can still be challenging being a slave but I know that this is what I want, so will do whatever it takes. I know it will be worthwhile in the end.
I still speak out of turn sometimes (Rule 10 - think before you speak) - but I think I have improved a lot. I am happy now just to accept whatever Goddess says without argument or comment, because I realise that she is right. I can sit quietly without the need to make conversation if it's clear that this is what she wants, and I try to make sure my chores are done without her having to tell me. It can still be challenging being a slave but I know that this is what I want, so will do whatever it takes. I know it will be worthwhile in the end.
Thursday, 8 April 2010
Changes ahead
It's only a couple of weeks until I give up full time work. Then I'm on holiday for a couple of weeks and after that I will be dedicated full time to Goddess. I'm already spending more time at work doing stuff for her than I do for the company that pays me - she's a very demanding Goddess - but I can't wait to serve her 24/7. My priority will be to move near her so that I'm on hand whenever I'm needed, but I'm hoping that she will want to move to a bigger house so that I can be her live-in slave. I know it will be tough at times, but she's such a fantastic person - beautiful, witty, fun to be with most of the time, intelligent and incredibly dominant, that I can't imagine anything better, particularly now that I will have time to attend to her needs.
I can't help but fantasise about how life will be, I know that all decisions are in her hands, but I dream of being allowed to sleep at the foot of her bed, drinking her golden nectar, being locked in my rubber bondage suit overnight, serving her as her maid, giving her oral pleasure, being whipped strongly and firmly on a regular basis, swallowing any pills or drugs she chooses to give me, being zapped with her remote control whenever she needs me and generally being totally dominated and humiliated by her.
I know that most of the time I will be doing my household chores, acting as her PA in support of her business. running errands for her, chauffering her around and generally being bossed around. But that's fine, because I have never before gained so much satisfaction from doing things for someone else. She owns me. I must always sit on the floor in her presence, sleep on the floor, kneel when I hand her a drink, call her Goddess at all times and obey her instructions instantly without question. I relish the fact that she has total control over me, and I can't wait for this to the full time permanent situation.
In a couple of months my life will have changed greatly. And I can't wait.
I can't help but fantasise about how life will be, I know that all decisions are in her hands, but I dream of being allowed to sleep at the foot of her bed, drinking her golden nectar, being locked in my rubber bondage suit overnight, serving her as her maid, giving her oral pleasure, being whipped strongly and firmly on a regular basis, swallowing any pills or drugs she chooses to give me, being zapped with her remote control whenever she needs me and generally being totally dominated and humiliated by her.
I know that most of the time I will be doing my household chores, acting as her PA in support of her business. running errands for her, chauffering her around and generally being bossed around. But that's fine, because I have never before gained so much satisfaction from doing things for someone else. She owns me. I must always sit on the floor in her presence, sleep on the floor, kneel when I hand her a drink, call her Goddess at all times and obey her instructions instantly without question. I relish the fact that she has total control over me, and I can't wait for this to the full time permanent situation.
In a couple of months my life will have changed greatly. And I can't wait.
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Maid to order
I've spent the last couple of nights at Goddess's house as she wanted me to take her to hospital for a medical procedure for a health problem she's been suffering from for the last year or so. She was apprehensive beforehand but she's a very strong person (naturally) and breezed through it while others were shaking in their boots. And the news afterwards was positive, which was very encouraging. She was happy (and so of course was I) but she told me that I had been downgraded over the last few months because of my previous failings. But I am hopeful that I may be upgraded soon to the position I enjoyed a few years ago when I was her slave previously. I feel much more committed now than I ever did then, but I know I must prove myself every day and hope that Goddess will recognise that.
When I move to where she lives she may finally believe me, and I'm hopeful that will happen soon.
Going through the stuff that I hope to sell I came across a couple of maid's outfits, corsets and other female clothing. These were the clothes that Goddess would often make me wear in the past. I can well remember putting on the corset, which Goddess would tighten as tight as she could, the maid's uniform, stockings and high heels and serving Goddess as her sissy maid while she followed me with her whip. If I looked ridiculous it didn't worry me, as it was what Goddess wanted and I was only too happy to do as she wanted. I hope that I can get back to that situation when, or if, I am upgraded. Encouragingly, the maid's uniform (pictured) and a couple of corsets are among the items that Goddess has said I should keep, rather than sell, so I am optimistic.
When I move to where she lives she may finally believe me, and I'm hopeful that will happen soon.Going through the stuff that I hope to sell I came across a couple of maid's outfits, corsets and other female clothing. These were the clothes that Goddess would often make me wear in the past. I can well remember putting on the corset, which Goddess would tighten as tight as she could, the maid's uniform, stockings and high heels and serving Goddess as her sissy maid while she followed me with her whip. If I looked ridiculous it didn't worry me, as it was what Goddess wanted and I was only too happy to do as she wanted. I hope that I can get back to that situation when, or if, I am upgraded. Encouragingly, the maid's uniform (pictured) and a couple of corsets are among the items that Goddess has said I should keep, rather than sell, so I am optimistic.
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Time off for good behaviour!
Goddess has allowed me out of my chastity device for a few days (first time in several months) so I have taken the opportunity of giving it a good clean and giving myself some much-needed relief. She didn't require my services this weekend so I will bring it with me when I next see her and find out if she wants me locked up again. It feels quite odd being free after such a long time.
I have got a lot of BDSM equipment - much more than I need - so I have been photographing it with a view to selling most of the items. .jpg)
Goddess has chosen some items that she wants me to keep which I look forward to making use of! Among the items to be sold are dozens of whips and bondage items, high heeled shoes and boots and some big items, such as a coffin, a couple of whipping benches, a St Andrews cross, a toilet box and a suspension sack. A friend of mine has a female friend who may be interested in buying some of this. I hope so as I plan to move soon to be nearer to Goddess so I don't want to take anything that I don't need. .jpg)
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Goddess has chosen some items that she wants me to keep which I look forward to making use of! Among the items to be sold are dozens of whips and bondage items, high heeled shoes and boots and some big items, such as a coffin, a couple of whipping benches, a St Andrews cross, a toilet box and a suspension sack. A friend of mine has a female friend who may be interested in buying some of this. I hope so as I plan to move soon to be nearer to Goddess so I don't want to take anything that I don't need. .jpg)
I am including a few photos to illustrate a few of the items that are for sale.
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Rule 10
Rule 10 of Goddess's additional set of rules is 'Think before you Speak'. Unfortunately I fell foul of that today. I had bought a new camera because my previous one had gone bust. I had chosen it because it had a really good zoom and I was looking forward to using it when I go to the States next month to visit some music festivals.
I showed it to Goddess and she immediately said that she wanted it and would give me her camera in its place, which doesn't have the same specifications. Of course I should have said Yes Goddess and then worked out later how I could get a replacement for my new camera. But instead I said no and offered to buy a similar camera for her is she wanted, but I was immediately in deep trouble. Goddess has told me before that I should never say no to her, and here I was doing just that. She said that no one ever said no to her, so who was I, a mere slave, to do it?
She was right of course and I quickly realised my mistake, but by that time it was too late. She said that she was testing me and that she wouldn't really have taken the camera off me. But I failed the test. I will have to do better in future.
I showed it to Goddess and she immediately said that she wanted it and would give me her camera in its place, which doesn't have the same specifications. Of course I should have said Yes Goddess and then worked out later how I could get a replacement for my new camera. But instead I said no and offered to buy a similar camera for her is she wanted, but I was immediately in deep trouble. Goddess has told me before that I should never say no to her, and here I was doing just that. She said that no one ever said no to her, so who was I, a mere slave, to do it?
She was right of course and I quickly realised my mistake, but by that time it was too late. She said that she was testing me and that she wouldn't really have taken the camera off me. But I failed the test. I will have to do better in future.
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Dual control
Goddess is a very shapely and curvaceous lady and she instructed me to buy her half a dozen 34FF bras last week with matching panties. Apparently it's difficult to find her bra size in any of the shops near where she lives so I was worried that I might have problems. But fortunately La Senza had exactly what she wanted and at a price that allowed me to buy more than she had ordered me to get.
I've had a very pleasant weekend with Goddess. Of course there were loads of chores for me to do when I went to see her on Saturday but I am happy if she's happy, and she was. In the evening she said that I was to accompany her and one of her attractive black girlfriends to a local pub. I was wearing the remote control electric shocker as well as the CB that I wear all the time and Goddess explained its purpose to her friend as we sat in the pub. She was disbelieving at first but soon realised that she could send a jolt through my balls at the touch of a button on the control box. So there I was, sitting with two incredibly gorgeous black women, being questioned and controlled, with both of them sending electric shocks through my balls whenever they felt like it. It was quite an experience. Apparently Goddess's friend wanted to apologise today for causing me pain but Goddess told her it wasn't necessary as I was her property and had no right to complain anyway. Not that I had any complaints. It was a great evening and a great weekend.
I've had a very pleasant weekend with Goddess. Of course there were loads of chores for me to do when I went to see her on Saturday but I am happy if she's happy, and she was. In the evening she said that I was to accompany her and one of her attractive black girlfriends to a local pub. I was wearing the remote control electric shocker as well as the CB that I wear all the time and Goddess explained its purpose to her friend as we sat in the pub. She was disbelieving at first but soon realised that she could send a jolt through my balls at the touch of a button on the control box. So there I was, sitting with two incredibly gorgeous black women, being questioned and controlled, with both of them sending electric shocks through my balls whenever they felt like it. It was quite an experience. Apparently Goddess's friend wanted to apologise today for causing me pain but Goddess told her it wasn't necessary as I was her property and had no right to complain anyway. Not that I had any complaints. It was a great evening and a great weekend.
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